Hi Pete,

Thanks for reminding me of my use of the company card on the completely legit work trip I just went on with my family. I’ve justified the expenses below.

$41.89 — Shade Shack

Reason: Little Timmy forgot his sunglasses at home, and we had to buy him a new pair. After all, my clients have come to expect a certain level of rizz from Timmy in the family photos I share with them. So, his face needed the hardware.

$293.17 — Fancy Matt’s

Reason: Lunch. And yes, Fancy Matt’s. And yes, I’ve already gushed to everyone at the office about their cheese rolls. Do we really want to give people the impression that we can’t afford Fancy Matt’s? People might update their LinkedIn, Pete. And not with a motivational post, like, their openness to work.

$2,308.89 — Regency Resorts

Reason: Accommodation. The only hotel in town with a business conference was booked. At least, so I heard. So, we picked the next best thing. All-inclusive, so we definitely saved the company some money. Amazing omelets by the way.

$432.01 — Limbo Beach Bar

Reason: We met a lot of potential—but not too potential, don’t follow up—leads at beach volleyball. And Maggie and I crushed it, of course. We definitely thought we’d be closing some deals by shouting “Drinks on us!” We were wrong. Bummer.

$109.89 — Shade Shack

Reason: Little Timmy just couldn’t keep track of those damn glasses. Don’t worry! We bought those wraparound straps for him this time.

$24.67 — All Star Burgers & Wieners

Reason: The kids wanted a taste of our usual, non-company card lifestyle.

$62.01 — Fancy Matt’s

Reason: I did not.

$92.50 — Gator Golf

Reason: In your original email, it almost sounded like you didn’t believe me when I said that this family trip to a tropical vacation destination with no discernible business ROI was a work trip. This mini golf expense proves it was. Little Timmy knew I needed some practice on the links for whenever we start taking prospective clients golfing.

$1.09 — Beachlife Parking

Reason: You should dispute this one. The parking meter was broken or something because I definitely didn’t stay over the two-hour validation.

$235.55 — Dolphin Pier Park

Reason: This is what I’d call a skill-building workshop. You know, problem-solving, risk management, target practice. I failed at all of those things and didn’t win a single prize, but I did learn some valuable lessons, including not to eat a corn dog float before riding a 100-year-old roller coaster.

$109.89 — Shade Shack

Reason: In Timmy’s defense that was the most intense pier coaster I’ve ever been on. But, yeah, his shades fell in the ocean so this was for another pair.

$124.86 — Boardwalk Arcade

Reason: I couldn’t come back to the office with nothing to show for my trip. And I definitely wasn’t winning any new accounts, so I won a plush toy for the boss instead. That promotion’s still looking good, baby!

$145,754.18 — Regency Casino

Reason: Another skill-building workshop.