The Desert Escape: Run into the desert. There, you’ll meet a snake. Name the snake. Name him Benjamin. Benjamin will bite you, but don’t cry out.
Kevin demands only the best from his employees. He constantly circles my desk to “check in,” especially when I’m on my period.
It’s pretty classic admin stuff. Answering the phone, filing documents, keeping a calendar, making appointments, refilling the Mayor’s water bowl.
You won’t get holidays off, but aren’t you sick of spending Thanksgiving with your cheugy cousins anyway?
Pro tip: bring a parasol to reduce the glare on your laptop screen when you’re checking Outlook for five minutes, just one more email, OK babe?
Research Potential Employers: Wait outside businesses and take notes on everyone’s facial expressions and demeanor as they leave for the day.
Our rubber chickens—and indeed our entire portfolio of goofs and gags—have lost their context. Dare I say, they are no longer funny.
Cancel culture is holding back the next Great American Novel, groundbreaking works of political theory, and my Wednesday afternoon lunch.
I know one of you grown adults would never leave exploded beef stroganoff all over the microwave.
Ernest Hemingway For Hire: Competent Shoes, Never Filled
I can’t and I can’t even. Whatever phrase works best for you to understand that I can’t help you.
Allison in HR gave me the full-court press and explained that some of you think my sports analogies are creating a toxic workplace.