Six New, Higher Stakes Versions of Quiet Quitting
The Desert Escape: Run into the desert. There, you’ll meet a snake. Name the snake. Name him Benjamin. Benjamin will bite you, but don’t cry out.
Tag: Office
My Job Is Amazing Even Though My Boss Is a Bloodthirsty Hammerhead Shark
Kevin demands only the best from his employees. He constantly circles my desk to “check in,” especially when I’m on my period.
Your First Day Working in the Dog Mayor’s Office
It’s pretty classic admin stuff. Answering the phone, filing documents, keeping a calendar, making appointments, refilling the Mayor’s water bowl.
Child Labor Is Back, Baby! (Seriously, Are You a Baby? Because We’re Hiring)
You won’t get holidays off, but aren’t you sick of spending Thanksgiving with your cheugy cousins anyway?
9 Amazing Vacation Destinations to Check Your Work Email
Pro tip: bring a parasol to reduce the glare on your laptop screen when you’re checking Outlook for five minutes, just one more email, OK babe?
The Last Guide You’ll Ever Need to Land Your Dream Job
Research Potential Employers: Wait outside businesses and take notes on everyone’s facial expressions and demeanor as they leave for the day.
It’s Time to Rethink Our Rubber Chickens
Our rubber chickens—and indeed our entire portfolio of goofs and gags—have lost their context. Dare I say, they are no longer funny.
Cancel Culture Is This Jar of Pickles I Can’t Open
Cancel culture is holding back the next Great American Novel, groundbreaking works of political theory, and my Wednesday afternoon lunch.
Dear Colleagues: I Think There’s a Kid Loose in the Office
I know one of you grown adults would never leave exploded beef stroganoff all over the microwave.
Famous Authors Firing You from Your Job
Ernest Hemingway For Hire: Competent Shoes, Never Filled
Auto Reply: OUT OF OFFICE: For the Rest of Eternity
I can’t and I can’t even. Whatever phrase works best for you to understand that I can’t help you.
My Sports Analogies Are Much More Sophisticated than You Think, You Losers
Allison in HR gave me the full-court press and explained that some of you think my sports analogies are creating a toxic workplace.