Work Anniversaries: See your manager for a token of our appreciation—a homemade coupon for one (1) weak handshake.
Like our CEO wrote in his “Daily Wake-Up” email, all of our cubicles can be temples of productivity.
Would you rather spend 25% of your paycheck on Everlane’s "Sims 2 Fall/Winter ‘23 collection” or trompe l'oeil mascara onto your face with a free Zoom filter?
Millennials and Gen Z don’t understand how valuable a sense of camaraderie is, or how important mistress time is.
Time off task (12 minutes): Nerve sensors detected hunger prior to your lunch break. Hunger is personal time.
12:30 PM, reads the Faberge Egg clock the CFO gifted me for having such a good PSAT score.
In order to save space, your cubicle has been converted into two pyramidicles.
We definitely have already done a full marketing strategy, but we want you to complete one too, so that we can compare yours to ours.
Good. Don’t click the link. Now, a wild badger climbs through the break room window and makes a beeline for your unguarded computer.
It’s just not something we care to do, because of our uncontrollable desire to own all of the boats and all of the cocaine.
Our previous policy of zero in-office hawk attacks has been slightly adjusted to a new policy of many hawk attacks.
As you know, I have just spent the holiday season visiting family in my hometown, Fir Tree Falls.