Joaquim joins 44 volunteers in an orientation with a group that fosters bumblebees. If Cheryl, the meeting leader, opens with a round of icebreakers that will take 27 minutes, how many attendees would rather skip saving the bees than share personal information about themselves with complete strangers in a recorded meeting?

Precisely seven minutes into the meeting, 30 attendees remain to share their favorite colors, astrological signs, and first memories of abandonment-based shame. Cheryl sets a 45-second per person time limit. What is the probability that at least one participant is both caffeinated and chatty?

Larry (sky blue, Libra) takes two minutes to share that he was a late-blooming sousaphone player fathered by a man with a hatred for brass bands. For how many of those minutes will his cat, Butternut, make an on-camera appearance showcasing his rump?

Joaquim (citrine, Cancer) and his friend Megan (magenta, Scorpio) are attending this meeting because they must complete volunteer work in order to pass their college classes. It takes the last 10 participants a total of 18 minutes to complete their icebreakers. How frequently do Joaquim and Megan direct message each other memes of chagrined daytime TV judges?

Post-icebreaker, and four minutes into her presentation, Cheryl is hampered by a hacker scrawling misspelled expletives and rudimentary renderings of male genitalia over her welcome slide. If Cheryl—a tenacious, lavender-loving Capricorn—presses on for a full 17 minutes before asking everyone to log out and back in again to shake the Zoom-pirate, how many of the total phallus sketches will be anatomically reasonable?

Only 18 people return to the meeting. Calculate the number of attendees who do not log back in for each of the following reasons:

  1. Didn’t receive a new meeting link.
  2. Couldn’t find the new meeting link.
  3. Feeling vulnerable about personal details shared during the icebreaker.

Joaquim and Megan notice that ⅓ of the returnees are now positioned such that only the top ⅔ of their heads are viewable in frame. Write an equation representing the number of on-camera participants who are also positioned for both overhead light glare and optimal up-nostril viewing.

Another 33% of the group require more than 5 minutes to navigate their inability to turn off their microphones. Of these un-muted attendees, how many own dogs? How many of those dogs are large? And how many of those large dogs are persistent, throaty barkers?

Does Cheryl ever take control and turn 100% of the cameras and microphones off? Please explain why not.

The meeting time is extended by an additional 34 minutes so that Cheryl can deliver an unembellished recitation of a 42-slide slide presentation. What is the probability that either Joaquim or Megan will accidentally share a TV-judge meme in the group chat?

Exactly 81% of the information delivered in the meeting is already available on public-facing pages of the organization’s website, and 19% seems to be a selection of quotations from a training manual. Calculate the value of Joaquim and Megan’s time, saved, had this meeting been a PDF of the slide presentation sent in an email.