We've also installed security protocols to prevent you from divulging sensitive personal issues at work parties.
💒👀So, HOW did we build such a LOVING RELATIONSHIP? 👀💒 Here’s how 👇
Press the Star Key at Any Time for a Complete List of Absolutely Everything You Can Expect Us to Do for You Lazy Bastards
To hear this litany of passive-aggressive disgust in English, press one.
No capital letters? Might as well post your Social Security number.
I feel like I know you. The surveillance software used to monitor your workflow has been telling me what a great person you are.
Here’s a better deal for Elon: he can regain esteem, credibility, and respect by buying my status of tenured full professor.
At This Year’s Fall Harvest Festival, We Have Replaced the Corn Maze with You Getting Lost in Your Phone
We've accepted the fact that the Corn Maze could no longer compete with technology's draw to hook you to the point that you lose all sense of time.
Well, who's got two bruised fists and thumbs and is offering you their services? That's right—me.
Intermittently mention “The Kremlin.” Smart people discuss this often.
I Am the Little Orange Man from Google Maps and I Would Appreciate It If You Stopped Dropping Me from 2 Million Feet in the Sky
If you’re wondering, in the moment you wait for me to land in Street View, I howl through the mesosphere, engulfed in flame.
- I am not interested in emails such as these. - My passion for these messages has with time been exhausted. - I am interested in not receiving these emails.
It might be a good idea to post messages after each kid is picked up so that we know that the bus has not disappeared into some space/time continuum.