List: My Response to Your Big Work News: A Guide
I “loved” your announcement on Facebook, and left a comment about how excited I am for you. > I find your friendship exhausting.
Tag: Tech
The Harrowing Tale of Going 52 Hours Without a Phone
I’m outside now, walking to the nearby pizza shop. There are people everywhere, so many of them, crawling all over the place.
Let Me Feign Confidence for This Networking Luau
Sitting at a bar alone chewing mint gum while sipping a fruity drink is the ideal thing for a confident person to do at a party.
List: Classic Song Titles Re-Imagined at This Tech-Heavy, Millennial-Targeted, Social-First Advertising Agency
"Get Rich Media Banners or Die Tryin’" and "Jenny From the Blockchain": these are the kind of tunes best optimized for my life working here.
The Girl of My Dreams Was a Paid Advertisement
Our love blossomed with the speed of a carefully edited, 30-second commercial for prescription diarrhea medicine.
RE: The Restless Dead Haunting the Office
Could we reschedule our 3:00? A rift between this world and the next has opened in the conference room, and we can’t hear client calls over the endless torture of the damned.
Ideas For Mending Your Relationship With The IRS After Being Caught Cheating On Taxes
Remind the IRS of simpler tax days. Create an apology collage out of all the old receipts you filed when you first entered the workforce.
List: Unnerving Emails Norton AntiVirus Sends Me
Data leak alert: Your fitting room selfies were just shared with your high school reunion Facebook group.
“Excuse Me, Can Any Fellow Emails in This Spam Folder Direct Me to the Inbox, Please?”
“Am I in the spam folder? I gotta get out of here.”“WARNING: YOUR HOUSE IS INFESTED WITH HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA.”
The Galactic Empire Could Benefit From Some Cultural Sensitivity Training
I’m an Ewok, you idiot. Not a Wookiee. Do all intelligent, bipedal, brown, hairy non-humans look the same to you?