Uber Parents: Be too readily available, allowing your children to summon you at any hour of the day or night.
During the ten-minute break between sessions, line up your children's stuffed animals in a giant single-file line leading directly to the bathroom.
Here’s a funky, vintage suggestion: you could wear pants that close with a button at the top, rather than with an elastic waistband.
May 2020: The Tale of Peter Rabbit - Wherein we root for the villainous Mr. McGregor, because we know too well how much his backyard garden means.
“Keep your friends close---actually, keep them distant, and your enemies distant too. Stay pretty much six feet away from everyone.”