"It’s a Wonderful Life When Compared to Everyone Else at This Bar" - George Bailey's guardian angel offers perspective.
My dead eyes do not say, “Someone help me! Management won’t let me retire!”
Reese's Cups: “Another groveling rube clamoring for accolades simply for having done exactly what is required."
At This Year’s Fall Harvest Festival, We Have Replaced the Corn Maze with You Getting Lost in Your Phone
We've accepted the fact that the Corn Maze could no longer compete with technology's draw to hook you to the point that you lose all sense of time.
The history of the present Control by mom and dad is a history of repeated standoffs in the kitchen and plates that have too many colors.
It's me, the least popular character to break into your home and leave stuff in the name of celebration. Let me lay it out for you.
1 Peter 1:3: "Praise be to bunny Jesus who is always, like, twitching his little nose."
I suppose oysters are a noted aphrodisiac, but even those could never overpower the terrifying sight of your lover’s haircut.
Stock Consultant: Honestly, this feels more helpful than predicting the end of winter anyway.
‘Tis several weeks beyond Christmas when you realize You forgot it completely—doggone it, time flies!
The Ethics Committee has taken notice of how January has benefitted from gym memberships, weight loss medications, and black-eyed peas sales for decades.
Ten New Year’s Resolutions from a People Pleaser… Unless Ten Is Too Many, I Can Do Five Instead, It’s Really No Trouble
I resolve to say "No" more often to things like babysitting around the clock for my friends.