Ebenezer Scrooge Reviews His Christmas Cards
From Bob Cratchit: A simple "thank you" note. "Neatly folded. Handwritten and handmade—on my office stationery. Pay docked for materials."
Tag: Christmas
After Coming Down the Chimney, I Promise Not to Draw Your Feet While You Sleep
I’m best known as a benevolent holiday figure, I’m also a gifted anatomy artist and an expert at tiptoeing around houses without waking people up.
I’m the Ghost of Christmas Past and I’ve Never Haunted You Because Your Life Is Too Boring
If I had to choose between visiting key moments in your life or watching paint dry, I’d go to Home Depot right now and buy every single can of Sherwin Williams.
Complaints Submitted to My Online Christmas Tree Business
My house got robbed and my tree did nothing. In fact, I’m pretty sure it gave the burglars the alarm code.
Welcome to Our New and Improved Santa’s Village and Tree Farm and Water Park
We settled our feud with the local breeder, and will once again have nine living, breathing reindeer on site as in days of yore.
Christmas in the Lobby
Please join us in the lobby to celebrate Christmas! We will scrounge up a folding chair or two and everyone will be afraid to sit.
The iPad Scoffs at Your Pathetic Christmas Presents
Nadine rips open the presents, revealing these primitive analog relics. But by noon, she’ll have forgotten about all of you.
I Am the Real Parson Brown, and Let Me Tell You—Identity Theft and Unsanctioned Weddings Are Serious Crimes!
This snowman wedding racket is a disgrace to the good name of clergymen everywhere.
Don’t Play Christmas Music Too Early—Santa Gets Confused and Starts Hurting People
It is imperative we observe the appropriate time to ring in the season, as that “ring” is the alarm which awakens Santa from his 11-month slumber.
We’re Your Caramels from Three Christmases Ago, and It’s Very Unclear If We’re Still Good
We figured you just weren’t hungry or something, considering how often you used to snack on us.
I, Bagpipes, Am Also Confused as to Why I’m Part of This Christmas Parade
Listen, I appreciate being included in this Christmas parade but, frankly, I’m not sure why I’m here.
Nelson Family McRibmas Newsletter
Just goes to show you what 520 calories and 24 grams of protein per sandwich can do for your kids.