Don’t Play Christmas Music Too Early—Santa Gets Confused and Starts Hurting People
It is imperative we observe the appropriate time to ring in the season, as that “ring” is the alarm which awakens Santa from his 11-month slumber.
Tag: Christmas
We’re Your Caramels from Three Christmases Ago, and It’s Very Unclear If We’re Still Good
We figured you just weren’t hungry or something, considering how often you used to snack on us.
I, Bagpipes, Am Also Confused as to Why I’m Part of This Christmas Parade
Listen, I appreciate being included in this Christmas parade but, frankly, I’m not sure why I’m here.
Nelson Family McRibmas Newsletter
Just goes to show you what 520 calories and 24 grams of protein per sandwich can do for your kids.
‘Twas the Flight Before Christmas
My seat had no window, I'd wasted my cash / on a seat in the middle by a guy with a rash
Forget Santa’s Lap, Here’s Where I’m Sitting This Christmas
There is no way ol' Kris Kringle is going to remember what I asked for… until now. This holiday season, he is going to remember my name.
Tips for Enjoying Our Holiday Market While You Wait in Line to Get In
Wearing multiple warm layers will ensure that you don’t end up in the ER with hypothermia.
Heads Up! This Church Choir Is About to Sing the Hell Out of “Little Drummer Boy”
Don’t you dare be soothed into chorale complacency by our initial thin delivery and ambiguous harmonies.
Come On Man, Just Let Us Adore Him
Dude, I cannot wait to get in there and silently appreciate the little fella. Let’s go!
Resignation Letters from Hallmark Movie Heroines
As you know, I have just spent the holiday season visiting family in my hometown, Fir Tree Falls.
Mariah Carey Asks If You Got a Gift Receipt
I’m the worst, aren’t I? I was so adamant it was, like, the only thing I wanted for Christmas.
The Meaning of Christmas, by Bobby Taylor, Age 6
Jesus was born on a virgin. A virgin is a kind of a airplane. There was a pilot there called Punch Us.