I Will Funge These Tokens If It’s the Last Thing I Do
By the time I’m through with your tokens, they will be funged beyond recognition.
Nathaniel Brown is a humor writer and stand-up comedian based in Louisville with his wife, dog, and tortoise. His work has appeared in McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Slackjaw, The Daily Drunk, and others.
By the time I’m through with your tokens, they will be funged beyond recognition.
Q: Do I have to call Pete Davidson "Dad"? A: No one will ever replace your biological father, but Pete Davidson will be around to keep your mom company.
Error: Place all scanned items in the bagging area, even the 50-pound bag of dog food. Figure it out. The rules of our game have been made very clear.
It’s crazy how divided this world has become since Pangea.
I’m built different. Worse.
I’m vegan which means when I go out to eat with my family I get something with tofu instead of the respect of my grandfather.
The Olympics are kinda cute. It’s just one country saying, “Do you guys wanna come over and play some games?”
“Respect adults” was probably the weirdest rule we were given as kids, knowing what I now know about adults.
I would do anything to be a morning person except effectively manage my time.
Explaining the symbols on a map is the stuff of legends.
You know what’s weird? The misspelling of wired.