I think I just saw Grandma's ghost! She’s headed towards the Applebee's down the street. I should follow her just to make sure she gets a booth.
A timeless piece of television, "Even Stevens" demonstrates the trials and tribulations of being “imperfect” in a seemingly perfect world.
Despite his many attempts, your ex will never so much as FaceTime with Mia, because her iPhone “can’t take calls outside the Pacific Time Zone.”
"They love dirt" At first, it was sweet. "They really care about the Earth," you thought. But now you can't tear them away from the stuff.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all conversations are not created equal; that some are boring as hell and a complete waste of time.
And I don't want to keep harping on the past, but there were a few times when you couldn’t even finish the race. It's embarrassing.
Can I just say that this is hands down (speaking of hands, I’ve got two of ‘em) my favorite Thanksgiving to date?
I don’t have that soft center that “normal bread” does. Ever spread peanut butter too hard on a slice of bread and poke right through? Can’t relate.
Parents wouldn’t allow their kids over. They told me it was because their kids were allergic to cats, which I would have understood if we had a cat.
Four Halloween Costumes That Let People Know You’re Totally Chill About Your More-Successful Sister Getting Into Yale
Dress up as a doctor, A BRAIN SURGEON even. Unlike Beth, you didn't need to take out hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans to become one.
Halfway down the stairs, the humming stops, but you hear a choir of singing voices instead. “Mom?”
I Was Cool With the Rat Living in My Apartment Until I Found Out He Was Running a Pyramid Scheme From Under My Stove
“I see what you were doing. Building up my trust so that one day, you could get me involved in your little scheme too,” I said, holding back tears.