Do you find yourself losing patience with those close to you in your day-to-day life? Does built-up stress make you want to scream at unsuspecting baristas? Ready to throw hands at the next person who asks about any “big weekend plans”?
Don’t get mad, get Even Stevens on Blu-Ray!
A timeless piece of television, Even Stevens demonstrates the trials and tribulations of being “imperfect” in a seemingly perfect world. It’s funny, heart-warming, and a sure-fire way to calm the violent anger harboring in your soul.
Think of all the times you’ve been pushed to your wits end, to the brink of running over a stranger with your car, with no solution in sight.
Not anymore.
Use Even Stevens in any scenario:
Brian talked over you again during a meeting? Instead of socking him in the face with a stapler, check out season 2, episode 20, “Tight End in Traction,” where Louis pranks the gymnastics team, putting his athletic scholarship at risk. With corporate holding that promotion over your head like fish to a sea lion, this episode is both entertaining and relatable!
Your neighbor called the city on you for expanding your driveway without a permit and filed a noise complaint the day of your grandfather’s funeral? Instead of threatening his life with a meat cleaver again, give season 2, episode 15 a watch. “Sibling Rivalry” will show you that despite your differences, all can be solved with the help of a local cable access game show.
Girlfriend broke up with you when you told her not to? Let season 3, episode 9, “Short Story” be your shoulder to cry on. While Ren broke up with a guy for being shorter than her, your girl left you for your lack of emotional intelligence and refusal to grow up! Don’t you feel better? At least she picked something you can change.
The woman in front of you at Target held up the line to find exact change? Don’t get yourself banned from this one too. In season 3, episode 12, “Dirty Work,” Louis starts a lumberjack club so he can eat pancakes all day. Sure, it’s irrelevant to the Target situation, but doesn’t a stack of warm pancakes sound comforting right now? Take your mind out of murdering that woman with your new shower rod and take your ass to Denny’s.
And finally, is Mom abusing her spare key to your condo? Instead of taking this opportunity to express your pent-up anger towards her for leaving your dad, might I suggest The Even Stevens Movie? This cinematic masterpiece broadcasts the severe consequences of familial drama. Watch as it helps you realize the endearing parts of your mother, like the way she lets you stay on the family plan at 38, and still does your laundry.
The next time you feel like lashing out at the guy whose dog shits on your lawn, put that shovel back in your garage and spend some time with ol’ Louis, Ren, and their wacky neighbor, Beans.
Don’t get mad, get Even Stevens on Blu-Ray, available June 2005.