Instead of practical commitments, we’ve asked them to show up with the filthiest, horniest fanfic about an environmentalist allegory ever.
If there’s a place to get a cheaper, more unpleasant handjob, I’ve probably put them out of business.
Depending on how gross the thought is, I’ll either do a full “tut tut” or just a simple tongue cluck. It’s an art, really.
Every position you try is somehow the wrong one. / Things that should be lubricated are decidedly not, and vice versa.
Millennials and Gen Z don’t understand how valuable a sense of camaraderie is, or how important mistress time is.
Good’morrow to you all. A most gracious welcome to my webbing page. I am Keithly. Behold my rump.
He’ll make sure every American has access to basic libido killers, like subscriptions to the Criterion Channel and graphic tees that say “Mommy’s Little Gamer.”
Atheists say there are no higher powers, but the first time you see a Neptoid’s sponges you’ll realize atheists don’t know shit.
We give single people a chance to fall in love by making sure they are distracted by a bunch of petty in-fighting and random side-eye.
I’m a lover, but that doesn't mean I don’t have boundaries. So I set in place this one simple rule to make sure no one is allowed to disturb me.
When people told me they thought this song was about sexual relations, this corn-shuckin’ country boy was shocked.
One member described you as having "the chirpy positivity of a high school debate team coach."