This Year at COP28, We’re Just Reading Our Fern Gully Smut
Instead of practical commitments, we’ve asked them to show up with the filthiest, horniest fanfic about an environmentalist allegory ever.
Tag: Sex
Welcome to My Sex Dungeon, Where Anything Up To and Including a Handjob Goes
If there’s a place to get a cheaper, more unpleasant handjob, I’ve probably put them out of business.
I’m the Man Who Gets Paid to Say “Tut Tut” Every Time You Think About Sex
Depending on how gross the thought is, I’ll either do a full “tut tut” or just a simple tongue cluck. It’s an art, really.
Awkward Hookup or Assembling an IKEA Dresser?
Every position you try is somehow the wrong one. / Things that should be lubricated are decidedly not, and vice versa.
Why I, a 1960s Business Man Having an Affair, Believe Everyone Needs to Return to Office
Millennials and Gen Z don’t understand how valuable a sense of camaraderie is, or how important mistress time is.
OnlyAficionados: The Platform for Stately British Gentlemansluts
Good’morrow to you all. A most gracious welcome to my webbing page. I am Keithly. Behold my rump.
Finally, Some Representation for Virgins in Politics!
He’ll make sure every American has access to basic libido killers, like subscriptions to the Criterion Channel and graphic tees that say “Mommy’s Little Gamer.”
Aliens Exist… and They’re Freaking Babes
Atheists say there are no higher powers, but the first time you see a Neptoid’s sponges you’ll realize atheists don’t know shit.
Finding Love Is Hard So We, the Makers of “Love Is Blind,” Have Decided to Make It So Much Harder
We give single people a chance to fall in love by making sure they are distracted by a bunch of petty in-fighting and random side-eye.
If This Van’s a Rockin’, Then Don’t Come a Bothering Me While I Try to Fuck This Van
I’m a lover, but that doesn't mean I don’t have boundaries. So I set in place this one simple rule to make sure no one is allowed to disturb me.
How Dare You Accuse Me, Bro Country Star Tripp Haystack, of Misogynistic Lyrics?
When people told me they thought this song was about sexual relations, this corn-shuckin’ country boy was shocked.
We Need to Talk About Your Behavior at Our “Eyes Wide Shut” Parties
One member described you as having "the chirpy positivity of a high school debate team coach."