“On Tuesday morning, some Amazon employees learned they had lost their jobs — through text messages.” — Business Insider

Good morning HUSTLERS.🤯 Get back in bed because YOU’RE GETTING LAID 🤯 off. Unfortunately, INTERNAL PRESSURE just BLEW 💦🚀 and leadership INSTRUCTED US 😳 to give our salaried POSITIONS 🫦 a TRIM 🍑✂️ to hit our new CFO’s profit VERTICALS. 🥖 Please review your time with us 😛 on Glassdoor before your email access is STRIPPED. 🫦 Thank you for being part of our big corporate FAMILY. 💦 😳 — Management

Forward to 10 coworkers to lay them off for us, or get 9 years bad luck in your job search. 👋🍑

DO NOT REPLY

HR, we have a LOAD 💦 to get off our chest. Our team was VERY BAD 😈 during Q1 EBITDA 😩 projections, and we NEED ROUND TWO of RIGHT SIZING. 🥖🍆 It includes you. 😮‍💨 Some have suggested you PIN ⛓️😳 this on corporate greed for forcing 🫦 labor cost cuts by an additional 10%, so the board can afford two FRENCH 👅 chateaus instead of one. 😛💥 That’s far from true — we cut HR by 100%. We’ll think about you often 😳 while we’re with your replacement, a trauma-informed HR Chatbot named Sunny. 🫦🤖 — Management

Forward to 5 coworkers or get 50 years bad luck losing employment to chatbots. 👋🍑

DO NOT REPLY

WE’RE HARD 🤤 launching a rebrand without you. 🥵 Our inboxes were getting STUFFED 😩 with so much hate mail from the public relating to our “DEEPLY troubling layoff procedures” 🫦 that we’re going to SWITCH 😛 our entire brand identity. You, however, will be 🦯 SUBject 🦯to our third round of layoffs. Nearly all of our marketing roles just became redundant 🍆🐓 due to our AI HR/Marketing chatbot named Sunny 💦 🤖🫦. Thank you especially to those who SERVICED this company for multiple decades like Glenn and Gladys 👵🏻💦👴🏻. We are sorry you were no longer deemed a GOOD FIT 😫. — Sunny

Whoever forwards this the most in the next 69 seconds 💦 🕒 gets the biggest separation PACKAGE. 👋🎁

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If you were one of our many shareholders who mistakenly received that last correspondence, please disregard. It was an unfortunate error caused by tech we’ve developed to templatize empathy — currently in beta testing with full market roll-out in 2027. Our sincere apologies. We are busy with IT trying to identify what happened. Have a wonderful Tuesday!

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ATTENTION: IT SUBS. 🦯🦯🦯

Get ready for a HARD exit interview. You’ve been WIPED off the FACE of the system. Now, be a good boy and BEHAVE if we text you needing help locating a file on a server in the near future. — Sunny

DO NOT REPLY. 🦯💥