Diagraming Your Perfectly Pleasant Post-Interview Email Back to Me
“Thanks for taking the time to meet.” Alright, I see. I took the time to meet. I did you a favor, huh.
“Thanks for taking the time to meet.” Alright, I see. I took the time to meet. I did you a favor, huh.
We regret to inform you we won't be able to offer you a position at this time. We'll always wonder what could have been.
“Candidates should be comfortable with ambiguity.” Translation: We have no idea what’s going on.
If you care deeply about results and have at least four buddies named Tyler, we can’t wait to meet you.
We found out that for a whole six months of junior year you got really, really into Doctor Who and Sherlock. Like, fanfiction level.
You’re ashamed to be wearing something from Goodwill while everyone you know is wearing something gifted to them by their rich parents.
Providing an extra hand for “light as a feather stiff as a board” at your next sleepover / Watching your ex’s Instagram story and reporting on their whereabouts
“Oh, I do a little of this, a little of that. Can I be more specific? Yes, but for the sake of my dignity, I’d rather not.”
Work Anniversaries: See your manager for a token of our appreciation—a homemade coupon for one (1) weak handshake.
Want to boost your buying power? There’s a simple strategy you may have overlooked: lowering yourself in esteem, quality, or character to get money.
Time off task (12 minutes): Nerve sensors detected hunger prior to your lunch break. Hunger is personal time.
All mouth-blown, no helium balloon pumps allowed! And when I say “we,” I really mean just me.