915: Ex has recurring role in formerly favorite TV series 916: Enormous spider in shower
Before the tension in the air makes someone scream, say quietly, "I could tell you, but then—well, you know…"
We realize it’s atypical to ban someone who hasn’t violated our Terms of Service, we strongly believe that your personality and general vibe justify an exception.
MINDLESS EATING MACHINES, TO STRIKE TERROR INTO THE HEARTS OF MEN. FOR MAN IS THE WARMEST PLACE TO HIDE. For $2 more the pizzas come with extra cheese.
At first, I thought something had happened to you, like that you’d fallen off the peak of a mountain in search of the most serene place to meditate.
Oh, and I totally would've signaled for help earlier, but that idiot kid kept standing in my shot. Down in front, am I right?
If you’re out-of-your-mind blackout wasted, prefrontal cortex operating at 0% capacity, contacting your ex is a fine way to direct your endorphins.
The iPhone knows it’s not “chill” to say this, but she prefers the pandemic life. She’s happier now!
And what about my heart, my battery? Fifteen years and still going strong. Always keeps its charge.
***correction – You peaked in high school as a regionally-ranked writer and debater, and based your entire ego on that one single skill.
I was going through your photos, which– Stop screaming, you know you have nothing incriminating.
There's no living author with a better take on the "excruciating telegram" style of mom text messages.