Special offer alert for your birthday! Reply before the end of the night for an all-inclusive hookup!!
Press the Star Key at Any Time for a Complete List of Absolutely Everything You Can Expect Us to Do for You Lazy Bastards
To hear this litany of passive-aggressive disgust in English, press one.
At This Year’s Fall Harvest Festival, We Have Replaced the Corn Maze with You Getting Lost in Your Phone
We've accepted the fact that the Corn Maze could no longer compete with technology's draw to hook you to the point that you lose all sense of time.
You still haven’t confirmed, but you also haven’t canceled. Just a heads up, the uncertainty is kind of messing with some people here.
I was craning to see if you laughed at the Minions meme I sent and saw my contact name was just my number with "Maybe: Neil" under it.
No one will explain the charge to you, but you are sure it is unjust.
“YIKES” Really? Of the 2,309 possible Wordle solutions out there, this is not the one we would have picked to say to our partner.
That time you got your first martini at the airport and took a pic for the group chat before tasting it and realizing you hate martinis.
If you were one character from Lord of the Rings, who would you be? I’d be Gandalf because, like he says, “a wizard is never late,” lol.
915: Ex has recurring role in formerly favorite TV series 916: Enormous spider in shower
Before the tension in the air makes someone scream, say quietly, "I could tell you, but then—well, you know…"
We realize it’s atypical to ban someone who hasn’t violated our Terms of Service, we strongly believe that your personality and general vibe justify an exception.