Phones | Points in Case

Tag: Phones

If you’re out-of-your-mind blackout wasted, prefrontal cortex operating at 0% capacity, contacting your ex is a fine way to direct your endorphins.

The iPhone knows it’s not “chill” to say this, but she prefers the pandemic life. She’s happier now!

And what about my heart, my battery? Fifteen years and still going strong. Always keeps its charge.

***correction – You peaked in high school as a regionally-ranked writer and debater, and based your entire ego on that one single skill.

I was going through your photos, which– Stop screaming, you know you have nothing incriminating.

There's no living author with a better take on the "excruciating telegram" style of mom text messages.

Let me know how I can be of use. Today’s Tip: You’re spending too much time on Twitter at the expense of your personal relationships!

I can survive at a depth of six meters under water up to 30 minutes, unlike your ex who just quit it over a spilled lemonade.

Some of you seem to be using this platform for what my psychologist, Dr. Winter, has identified as attention-seeking behavior.

Ganesh, God of New Beginnings: I'm all for New Year's resolutions, but I bet you ten rupees she uses that annual yoga studio pass exactly once.

My response time is immediate. Sometimes I respond to texts before I even get them.

7:45 AM: I turn the TV on while I make breakfast. The hosts are showing how to make crab cakes for fifteen minutes straight.