Personal Notes Found in the Vents of a Secondhand Pair of Medium Wash Ripped Skinny Moto Jeans
Smoke salvia out of sister's vacuum cleaner. Land a kickflip in the middle of the woods with nobody around, next to a fallen tree.
I am a comic and artist living in Northeast Ohio next to a Texas Roadhouse. I have work on STANK!, Hobart, Robot Butt, XRAY, and around other places like the radio and the garbage. In 2018, my one-man show REMARKABLY APPARENT was produced for a weekend run at convergence-continuum. There is no existing coverage of this play. In 2018, I was also a finalist in the Cleveland Comedy Open; in 2019, I was not. I’ve been a contributor of jokes to both Weekly Humorist and Pitch. I have crazy farts.
Smoke salvia out of sister's vacuum cleaner. Land a kickflip in the middle of the woods with nobody around, next to a fallen tree.
Eating brie, Adam, his wife, friends close and warm—it’s couples night. "No I won’t take my shirt off right here! No!" Adam takes his shirt off.
Honestly, “good and evil” seems like, if it’s that extreme, should be “GREAT and evil.”
It’s good to look up the difference between “effect” and “affect” every now and than.
I’m so paranoid that the other day in the grocery store a guy asked me if I worked here, and I said WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?
I have seasonal allergies, which sucks because there are four seasons and one is happening all the time.
I could very easily commit to a crime—if it treated me right.
Dog, patting legs: “Shit, can one of you call my bone?”
Next time you use a bidet, do it blindfolded. It’s like a VR waterslide.
To be honest, a fair credit score isn’t.
Knock-knock jokes are for the child, knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock jokes are for the octopus.
If skinny jeans are out and loose pants are in, then what pants are ON? I AM NAKED AND COLD. PLEASE HELP.
My friend asked me if I was a snitch, but I can’t tell.
A good dance instructor would convince NASA to adopt an up-count…
I grew up in a pretty conservative household. Like, for example, when I lost a tooth as a kid, I’d put it under my pillow and wake up with it back in my mouth.
I saw this ad for a sale that said “Buy one, get one!” And I was like—no shit.