Personal Notes Found in the Vents of a Secondhand Pair of Medium Wash Ripped Skinny Moto Jeans
Smoke salvia out of sister's vacuum cleaner. Land a kickflip in the middle of the woods with nobody around, next to a fallen tree.
I am a comic and artist living in Northeast Ohio next to a Texas Roadhouse. I have work on STANK!, Hobart, Robot Butt, XRAY, and around other places like the radio and the garbage. In 2018, my one-man show REMARKABLY APPARENT was produced for a weekend run at convergence-continuum. There is no existing coverage of this play. In 2018, I was also a finalist in the Cleveland Comedy Open; in 2019, I was not. I’ve been a contributor of jokes to both Weekly Humorist and Pitch. I have crazy farts.
Smoke salvia out of sister's vacuum cleaner. Land a kickflip in the middle of the woods with nobody around, next to a fallen tree.
Eating brie, Adam, his wife, friends close and warm—it’s couples night. "No I won’t take my shirt off right here! No!" Adam takes his shirt off.
I’m so paranoid that the other day in the grocery store a guy asked me if I worked here, and I said WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?
I have seasonal allergies, which sucks because there are four seasons and one is happening all the time.
I could very easily commit to a crime—if it treated me right.
Dog, patting legs: “Shit, can one of you call my bone?”
Next time you use a bidet, do it blindfolded. It’s like a VR waterslide.
To be honest, a fair credit score isn’t.
Knock-knock jokes are for the child, knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock jokes are for the octopus.
If skinny jeans are out and loose pants are in, then what pants are ON? I AM NAKED AND COLD. PLEASE HELP.
My friend asked me if I was a snitch, but I can’t tell.
A good dance instructor would convince NASA to adopt an up-count…
I grew up in a pretty conservative household. Like, for example, when I lost a tooth as a kid, I’d put it under my pillow and wake up with it back in my mouth.
I saw this ad for a sale that said “Buy one, get one!” And I was like—no shit.