Kickflip, but not here.

Dry-clean a Supreme brick.

Put toothpaste on SEGA Dreamcast disks if they are scratched then sell them as “worn twice.”

Follow back.

Comment back.

Do not follow or comment back.

Ask for a charger for my “tank,” regardless of if you or the person you are asking—if you're not just saying this aloud, alone, to nobody—knows what this means.

Weep in your boy's lap the next time you smoke weed.

Order the Burrito Supreme from Taco Bell. Then laugh and don't say why.

Use the only designer dirt, Dior/t, to plant rare plants (cannot wait for Fiddle-Leaf Fig Tree to come–shipped, dummy steal, retail $145).

Be convinced they did 6ix9ine wrong, then immediately retract it.

Burn beheading videos to DVDs to watch on a portable DVD player with a Supreme sticker on it.

Take a picture of your food with your Instagram tag, a wooden cut-out that has “@SUPER_DREMER_REAL” on it, to let Uber Eats know that it's really you eating this food, and not a scammer. Then complain through the app that the correct order was incorrect to get a refund.

Wear socks because you replaced the soles of your 1992 Air Max Nikes with sheets of experimental acid.

Take pictures of thousands of dollars in cash, but exclusively pay for things in quarters.

Go to Finish Line and pretty much just start working anytime. The main sales person with two diamond earrings and these same pants (that's too funny, can't get over that) said he put in the incomplete application, so…

Remember that you're not selling warranties for alternative energy windmills, you're selling the opportunity to sell that.

Live with no regrets and sister who is married with kids.

Smoke salvia out of sister's vacuum cleaner.

Finally realize there are no consequences to your actions.

Land a kickflip in the middle of the woods with nobody around, next to a fallen tree.

Say you moved but actually take the picture of this Comme des Garcons/Marriott Hotel shirt collaboration on mother's balcony.

Let friend try on Yeezys. Then be as shocked as him that there is a sheet of acid in those shoes, too.

Love the one 6ix9ine song “ICKY STICKY AH, WITH THE LICKY DICKY AH,” but still not agree with what he did (-ish, -AH). And then say something about the illusion of power we perceive when we commit violent or financial crimes.

Tell Grandma you love her then take her social security check.

Wait in line for 6 days to buy a new colorway of underwear in the winter, but be late to Thanksgiving.

Watch Harmony Korine's KIDS as if it delivers secret messages about success.

Watch your kids. Just for one day. At least. Good God.

Join upcoming November classes in Satire Writing, Sketch Writing, and Stand-Up Joke Writing.