I'm an athletic person so the sweatband is useful and does not look like the beginnings of a goofy '80s Halloween costume.
If they say something like, "Nice cowboy hat, asshole," pretend you didn’t hear—even though you're the only asshole wearing one.
We are here to serve scorn and derision, and able to discern the net worth of patrons with a half-second, contemptful glance.
They are also ethically made, but somehow cost $12. These shoes make me look both mature but playful, demure but bold, casual but elegant.
2. Wear it as a Halloween costume! There’s nothing more terrifying than the repercussions of the wedding-industrial complex.
Go on two dates with me that seem to go well, but then inexplicably ghost me, I’m half Irish
Aquarius: Who is morally frail? Thou art. Immoral thoughts cause your complexion to redden.
Picture a spider eating a child, but now it’s wearing a tasteful little beret. People will ask, “Wow is that spider French?”
When Jason sees you wearing this in chemistry class, he’s gonna cream his jeans so hard that the frog he’s dissecting will come back to life!
“We’re not in the boardroom anymore, eh fellas?” I said. But Ross seemed genuinely injured.
(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing) Hush! Santa will hear our plotting, He’s gone mad, brain is rotting. We should organize a coup, Before he makes new boots from you.
But our new line of Terra® products is now made of cost-saving, eco-friendly burlap, with ties and closures of jute twine!