Picture a spider eating a child, but now it’s wearing a tasteful little beret. People will ask, “Wow is that spider French?”
When Jason sees you wearing this in chemistry class, he’s gonna cream his jeans so hard that the frog he’s dissecting will come back to life!
“We’re not in the boardroom anymore, eh fellas?” I said. But Ross seemed genuinely injured.
(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing) Hush! Santa will hear our plotting, He’s gone mad, brain is rotting. We should organize a coup, Before he makes new boots from you.
But our new line of Terra® products is now made of cost-saving, eco-friendly burlap, with ties and closures of jute twine!
My fedora is almost always silent, but your kid starts screaming just because I flick him in both his eyes? Toughen up, Henry.
I instead opt for one of my many t-shirts that feature Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs smoking marijuana.
The lady perched by a theme-park Eiffel Tower, clasping a suspiciously shiny handbag, and hoping security doesn’t notice she jumped the gate, is me!
Suit and tie? Business casual? I think the Leatherface on my t-shirt will let you know what I think about them.
The ER doctor at San Diego General Hospital claimed my vision was a fever dream induced by sleeping in a flannel thermal jacket.
I don’t think I’m selling myself short here. It takes a lot of skill to stack this many hats on top of each other.
Are You the Lady in Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” or Are You the Lady in This Kiel James Patrick Ad?
Of this you are sure: a. All that glitters is gold b. All the apples in this bushel will make delicious cider for us to enjoy around the fireplace