The history of the present Control by mom and dad is a history of repeated standoffs in the kitchen and plates that have too many colors.
Jerry Kaufman (Your Dad): Did I think we were going to conceive a child during the Insurance Adjusters of American Convention? No.
“Yankee Stadium?” I said, pointing towards the castle below. “Camelot,” he replied. “What the fuck,” I said.
Strong candidates will fit in with our diverse and dedicated group of cryptic caretakers, silent maids, hostile valets, and cursed children.
These tactics will work even if you’ve never spoken to a woman in your life—whether you’re a defrocked priest, or just a little shy.
WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR PANTS DOWN TO YOUR ANKLES, PRIVATE?
There is dirt everywhere, all the time. At no point is anybody completely clean (not even the rich people).
I regret that I have but one chance to offer a high five to the executioner while I’m on the gallows and then say, "Hey, don’t leave me hanging!"
‘Tis True Friar Lawrence Be Mired in the Deaths of Many a Verona Youth, Yet, Verily, I Am Fond of His Herbal Teas
’Tis not with ease’d mind that I imbibe of the Friar’s herbaceous blends, be it “Rosaline’s Unrequited Rosehip” or “Zounds! This Lemon Zingeth!”
During my second dinner, Francis told me that we needed to “ration our food better.” I was so taken aback by this.
The New York Times: Critics Say a Roman Civil War Is Coming—Others Disagree
What does democracy look like? This is what democracy looks like: it’s kind of pear-shaped.