Well it is knowne that “there are twentie women giuen to that craft, where ther is one man.” (1597, p.43)

I have even espied in my continued studying, womyn folk who call forthe the ensorcelled chariots filled with Maccedonaldes and poke bowles to her owne abode, since a slattern delights to labour not for her owne victuals but instead wantonly calls forth the work of the Devil since as a strumpet she rejoices in three for one deales.

The menfolk sorcerers and necromancers of this age, I have espied and will prove by divers meanes, do use a small daemon in the shape of a roof tile or single scale of armour which does glow with the light of their enchantments and tell them by means of the sorcerers advanced studies of the natural sciences such facts as “How many burgers could I make from an average person” and “Is it still gay to use an umbrella.”

Whereas, the greedie and vengeful womyn have, by wicked meanes no doubt, apprehended the use of this artefact of science and have imbued it with the lusty and wrongheaded coosenings of the Devil to aske of it things the wit of a woman could never have forespoken, like as “What is the safest way home from here” ande “How many orgasms is it polite to fake before I leave.”

Trulie, the stranglehold of witchcrafte has reached new and unspeakable heights with the largesse of the devile being flaunted in every crevice of this lande. Not one week hence I was afflicted with a grievous boil, no doubt itself planted there by the evile eye of anotherre witch riven with jealousie of my manlie gait and fetching Sky TV satellite dishhe, and upon arriving at the medicine mans dwelling, whom should arrive in pretence to serve me but anotherre womyn.

I bade her goe backe to the sulphuruous pit from which she was bidden by Satan, and she did chide and reprove me, saying, “Sir, I am going to have to ask you to stop shouting,” wherein I thwarted her by appointing the superiority of mine God-given logic by saying, “Said not Samuell to Saull that disobedience is as the sinne of Witch-craft?” (1597, p. v), wherein, writhing in defeat, the false medicine man spake, “Sir, if you do not want to be helped by a female doctor you are going to have to come back tomorrow because the entire medical staff are women today.” It was a verie greate victorie.

The lengths of womyns witchcrafting perjury knowes no boundes; only yefterday I bade my neighbour, Sandra, flee my sight that I may take up residence in the four-storey towne house she is squatting in, since this grande manor more suitably befits my station in life as God’s own appointed leader upon this Christian Earth, whereby Sandra summoned all the gumption loaned to her by the Devil so saying, “James, we’ve been over this. I live here. This is my house. Do you need me to call someone?”

Long I have wondered how almighty god could permit the fate of mankinde to fall in so grosse and filthie a defection (1597 , p. 6).