Firstly, how many penny farthings do you have in your gymnasium courtyard?

Secondly, is your courtyard cobbled? I only ask because Mabel (since died in childbirth) had the most dreadful time getting her crinolines caught in the spokes and she swears it was the cobbles. Though she did say that a penny farthing cobble ride does marvels for the hysteria.

How big are your barrels of whey? Are they quite watertight? We’ve had some dreadful accidents with our barrels over the years. Though I must say, having 55 gallons of whey drop onto one’s head from an overhead press position gives one the most shiny and impeccable Drooping Pompadour the next day.

What is your largest barrel of whey? Maude and I curl a full imperial gallon in each hand but are looking to work our way up to hogshead each. Will this be possible? We will only need one really since Maude has now also died in childbirth.

What type of mud pits do you provide for the pig wrestling? I have a preference for clay pits but Edie says she rather prefers gravel because the grit helps dislodge her smallpox scabs and means she saves ha’penny on the triannual bath she no longer needs to take.

Our current gymnasium offers a very great selection of husband rasps for the effective removal and disguisement of our callouses, so as to conceal our immense strength and capability from the delicate minds of our husbands. What grain increments do you offer for your husband rasp selection? My left palm currently requires a coarse #2 rasp, and my forehead a much finer #15.

It is of note that the greater my incredible strength grows, the coarser my forehead rasping requirements will become. Every time my husband catches me lifting the axle of our haywagon I am forced to feign a swoon, and am no longer able to delicately place the back of my hand to my forehead (again, due to my immense size and strength), and am now developing impact callousing on my forehead as a result. I have tried Dr. Barnabus’s Lead & Arsenic Liniment for Beautification of the Discerning Lady, but find it leaves me with even more of a headache than physically rasping my skull with a metal tooth file.

What is the schedule for the weekly emptying of the communal slop bucket—do we each take turns? Is the leaking vat of human effluence buried in a pit somewhere in the gymnasium grounds or emptied five paces away from the entrance to the gym directly into the drinking well, as is done here in London? I only ask because Ada (since died of cholera) had the most splendid idea of incorporating the slop-hole digging into our workout regime; spade work is simply a miracle for the latissimus dorsi.

Finally, I note in your advertisement you describe your monthly membership fee of £20 as “very reasonable.” However, as a milkmaid, it will take me 19 months of full time employment to earn this sum. Please advise.