Wipe down equipment after use with one of the damp napkins placed atop our overflowing garbage bins.
How do I use this machine for exercise? Just sit back and push up on the sad branches/robot arms, letting the weight fall back down with a loud SLAM.
Okay Peloton community, we’re about to slim down that inbox! Take a deep inhale and move those unread messages straight to the trashcan.
The equipment is hazardous and doesn’t even work. Yesterday, I pulled the power cord from Debbie’s treadmill and the thing just stopped on a dime.
I don’t appreciate him shaking his moneymaker on my television set to the tune of four easy payments of $19.95.
You shall meet Ra, the Supreme God of the Sun and Creator of All Tan Lines. He will teach thee how to avoid straining thy intervertebral joints.
Does everyone have a string of rosary beads? It's very important to warm your muscles by lightly flagellating your body.
Assume a plank pose on the mat that you ordered from Amazon, mentally petitioning Jeff Bezos to treat his employees properly.
Phrases evoking imagery of a well-powered cabin like, “pedal like my kitchen appliances depended on it,” could be a huge red flag.
While I could find satisfaction in work, the steps I take while pacing tearfully in the work bathroom help me add thousands of steps each week.
We will make our own at-home exercises—ones that won’t make you want to lay on your floor begging God or Satan for a moment of relief.
We offer absolutely no supervision to inhibit your individualized sense of what’s proper and safe technique. Weights will be scattered about.