20 Tips for Reading While Dining Out That Are Easier than Buying a $2 Pair of Reading Glasses
- Ask what the specials are, then ask what all the regular items are. - Memorize the entire menu instead.
Comedy Writing
I Apologize for the Clown That Was Juggling at Your Grandfather’s Funeral
He never juggles with some cheap-y plastic bowling pins and always uses solid wood ones with sparkly decals. Using bargain pins is disrespectful.
Welcome to Your Hotel’s Meager “Gym”
Wipe down equipment after use with one of the damp napkins placed atop our overflowing garbage bins.
The Last Guide You’ll Ever Need to Land Your Dream Job
Research Potential Employers: Wait outside businesses and take notes on everyone’s facial expressions and demeanor as they leave for the day.
Comments from the Audiologist That Show You’re Massively Failing Your Hearing Exam
You are pressing the button so hard that the spring mechanism has failed. Please stop pressing someone else’s button.
Amazon Employees or Worker Ants?
- Sometimes the leader thinks they can fly. - Workers must work as fast as they can with barely any breaks.
Before Your Band Starts Playing, We Need to Go over Some Elaborate Demands
First, it’s going to be a little bit longer than we anticipated, only about ten hours or so, but that includes some breaks!
Jason Bourne Wakes Up in Disney World and Briefs His Family
Why do I have a safety deposit box at Epcot full of cash, character location maps, and over one hundred trading pins?
I Am the Bot That’s Preventing You from Buying a PS5
Teasing you about when they go on sale and then stealing them from your virtual cart in less than a millisecond is my definition of fun.
The Unexpected Things That Will Happen When You Buy Those Used Bagpipes on Facebook Marketplace
You'll mistakenly think the reeds are developing some exotic flavor. Nope --It's mold. Another thing you neglected, like your "check engine" light.
I’m the Snowman Decoration in Your Yard and Most of the Day I’m Just as Deflated as You Are
Just like you, with some strategic bright lights and a huge painted-on smile, I make it look like everything is peachy keen.
I’m the Girl in the Newspaper Dress That Sat Behind You at “Newsies,” and I’m the Real Reason Broadway Was Shut Down
The Broadway League called me a "triple threat" since I caused a scene at every show, stalked cast members, and made everyone around me feel unsafe.