You are pressing the button when no tones are present.

Please stop pressing the button, the test has not yet begun.

You are pressing the button while not wearing the headphones.

You are pressing the button so hard that the spring mechanism has failed.

Please stop pressing someone else’s button.

You are pressing the buttons on your shirt.

Are you eating potato chips?

You are looking at other testers as if you are trying to cheat on this test.

You have hit the button upon hearing a tone far more precisely than humanly possible.

You have been staring into your neighbor’s eyes without blinking for the duration of the hearing exam.

You are pressing the button to the drumbeat of AC/DC’s “Back in Black.”

You have been holding the button down for the duration of the exam.

The high-pitched tone you think you are hearing is the ringing in your own ears.

Your restless leg syndrome is creating more volume than the tones.

Stop yelling out “Yes!” whenever you hear a tone.

You’re failing the hearing test so badly that you’ve begun profusely sweating.

Your sweat is causing body odor and making the other testers vomit.

Your severe loss of fluids is making you hallucinate.

Your hearing is so poor that you have disgraced yourself and your entire family.

The stress is causing more ringing in your ears.

The tones you think you are hearing are actually your whimpers and cries.

Your horrible negative thoughts are being transcribed onto the test result forms.

You are now seeing the tones instead of hearing them.

The visible tones are convincing you to leave your corporeal body.

You have blacked out during the test.

You are beginning your new life as a hearing test tone.


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