Sarah Totton writes weird stuff. You can find her weird stuff at McSweeney's, The Belladonna Comedy, Slackjaw, Little Old Lady Comedy, and even Points in Case.

Comedy Writing

bad bread guy is going to be mean to the baked goods

Baking for Sadists

You're enjoying this, aren't you? You’re the kind of person who kneads dough for an unnecessarily long time to be sure the yeasts can't escape.

Jokes

My advice to anyone who needs to get their appendix removed is to hire a licensed editor.

— Sarah Totton

It has long been said that he who lives by the sword shall die by the sword, and he who does lifelike impressions of a bad Italian chef shall die by blunt-force tortellini.

— Sarah Totton

“You suck!” screamed Roger, leaving Eusuk the vampire to wonder whether Roger was referring to his name, his nature, or the fact that he had just missed a relatively easy penalty kick.

— Sarah Totton

The most important thing Brad learned at veterinary clown college was never to vaccinate the balloon animals.

— Sarah Totton
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