I climbed in the window of that cottage over there and the lady inside screamed. I don't know why. There were no ghosts in there. I checked.
Sarah Totton writes weird stuff. You can find her weird stuff at McSweeney's, The Belladonna Comedy, Slackjaw, Little Old Lady Comedy, and even Points in Case.
If Shakespeare knew that more than 400 years after his death, people would still be enjoying his work, would he be happy? Or would he be mad because we still haven’t invented flying cars?
I remember the very last thing my Uncle Bert ever said to me: “Sarah,” he said, “that little tuft of hair between the ears of that hyena is just begging to be noogied.”
My advice to anyone who needs to get their appendix removed is to hire a licensed editor.
It has long been said that he who lives by the sword shall die by the sword, and he who does lifelike impressions of a bad Italian chef shall die by blunt-force tortellini.
“You suck!” screamed Roger, leaving Eusuk the vampire to wonder whether Roger was referring to his name, his nature, or the fact that he had just missed a relatively easy penalty kick.
The most important thing Brad learned at veterinary clown college was never to vaccinate the balloon animals.