Oh Thank God, the Man Who Shouts “Somebody Get Help” Is Here
Hey, Officer, don’t look so worried. I’m the best there is. I advised Al Pacino on how to shout “somebody get help” in "Heat."
Tag: Doctors
Ask Your Doctor If a Medically Induced Coma Is Right for You
Whatever your intolerable situation is, you’ve rightly decided to take a nice long coma until it all blows over.
The Hippocratic Oath for Preschoolers Playing Doctor
I will always remember my purpose as a pretend physician: to treat the sick. I must also remind the patient of this by whispering into their mouth, “You’re sick.”
I’m Your Radiologist Tech and I’m Not Telling You Shit
I’ll immediately learn invaluable and often extremely time sensitive information about your health. Will I tell you? Hahaha. No.
Is There a Doctor on Board? We’d Settle for a Competent Lifeguard
Nurses in training? Maybe you’re a few credits short of your degree?... Okay, still not seeing any hands.
That’s My Wife You’re Talkin’ To!
Get that stethoscope out of your ears so you can hear me loud and clear when I tell you to Back The Hell Off.
Introducing the “Choose Your Most Important Body Part” Health Insurance Plan
Choose a select body part for coverage. Options may include*: arm (1 only), leg (1 only), eye (1 only), lip (1 only), tongue, neck, forehead, or skin (maximum 1 square ft section).
My Doctor’s Pretty Good, Apart from How Often He Says “Ewwwwwwwww!!”
It was good to hear the inside of my mouth also looked "healthy, but super grody, you know, like mouths are."
An Apology from Your Proctologist for Writing Poems About Your Colonoscopy
To be fair, they are really good poems. I don’t want to toot my own horn (a little proctologist humor there), but those poems are inspired.
A Nonjudgmental and Nonthreatening Pediatric Dental Questionnaire
1. How long have you been putting this off? a. One year. b. Three years. c. Five years. d. My child is, if we must get technical, a member of Generation X.
Everything I’m Afraid Will Happen If I Cry in Front of My Therapist
I'll have just spent $150 to have a breakdown when I could have done that for free, in my apartment, with ice cream.
Are You Taking a Family Photo or Undergoing a Colonoscopy?
- There’s no chance you’ll walk away with a flattering photo. - You don’t know what to do with your arms.