Can You Be Our Nanny?
Caring for children is one of life’s most rewarding jobs. Our nanny will need a sens…
Tag: Future
Unfortunately, You Have Not Been Accepted to the United States of America
You also referenced a desire to give your children a better life than you were afforded. Unfortunately, the board felt this was a bit unoriginal.
Can I Help the Next Person in Line at the Department of Breakups?
We ask that you fill out all forms in pencil for this very reason; your forms are illegible because the ink has run everywhere due to your tears.
A Year of No
A friend finds an aggressive dog hiding under a car. She asks if we will take him in temporarily. I know I need to swallow my fear, so I say yes.
The Reality of Getting an IUD: A Timeline
3:40 PM: It’s fine. I’M FINE. I’ll find a partner someday. This is worth it. A few moments of pain, 10 years of no child-birth. That’s the trade-off.
Dear Valued Offspring, Before You Leave for College, Please Take a Moment to Fill Out This Customer Satisfaction Survey About Your Upbringing
How would you rate the attitude of our management team? Overall did they seem motivated and alert?
Disney’s Latest Casting Decision is an Assault on our Judeo-Christian Tradition
I’m not angry at Disney. Who among us hasn’t been forced to decide between keeping all stories predictably white or…not doing that? It’s a tough call.
Timeline of the Socially Anxious Navigating a Summer BBQ
1:37 PM: Host will say that, “things should get cooking here in about 5 minutes!” This will be torture and will leave you craving a cheeseburger.
List: What to Say When Someone Grabs Your Hand to Ogle Your Engagement Ring
"The stone was my Great Aunt Shelley’s! But keep that to yourself... if she knows I stole it from her, she’ll cut me out of her will."
My Kitty is a Cutey
I gave him a "you know you're not supposed to do that" look and he replied with a "the assumption of inevitable or primal goodness is a myth" stare.