The PhD student who worships Peter Travers and prefers Kurt Cobain’s technical prowess as a vocalist over Nirvana as a band.
Does this mean Santa's Workshop will close? Santa's Workshop will live on as a digital storefront competing with hundreds of counterfeiters.
The first thing I noticed was my temporary roommates smiled and clapped each time they saw the Grinch’s glorious glutes.
Did you know a stroke of lightning lasts roughly 30 microseconds? DID YOU?! What if I hadn’t hit the cable at the right microsecond, Doc?
With casualties in the hundreds of thousands, just be glad you're dating someone that’s alive.
She goes to bed early, after washing her face and applying night serum. I go to bed drunk, after forgetting to brush my teeth or remove my contacts.
Libra: You’re feeling frustrated because Jupiter is orbiting Buffalo Wild Wings and they won’t let you in without a mask.
Hey, Maggie, I’ll cut right to the chase. Please, Maggie, confirm that you’ll see me at Miller’s Tavern tonight at 8 p.m.
Tear open an envelope. If you discover a dollar bill, you’re having a boy! If there’s only 81 cents inside, a girl is on her way!
15 Printed Onesies Worn by Babies Who Will Eventually Struggle to Move Up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
25% Mommy, 25% Daddy, 25% Mommy’s Yoga Coach, 15% Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Tinder Guy Who Was Into Daddy and Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Lube, 100% PERFECT ME!
I call my contraption "Four Score and Seven Thrills Ago: Honest Abe’s Adventures in American Aviation." I look forward to hearing from you!
"Bowling for New Columbine (U.S. Moon Settlement C-97)": A look at how gun manufacturers played a pivotal role in early space colonization.