Beaver Tail Cactus (Opuntia basilaris) – You act a lot tougher than you are, and long for someone to see through your faux exterior.
7:45 AM: I turn the TV on while I make breakfast. The hosts are showing how to make crab cakes for fifteen minutes straight.
You might be thinking, "There will surely be other sales or even another Toyotathon soon." Well, you'd be a category-A asshole to think that.
Sea Mink: “Know your strengths, what others see and desire in you, and then hide or remove those strengths so that they don’t kill you for them.”
Simon says viable New Year’s resolutions for this group are probably simple things you can do in your home without giving up ANY vices.
In Paris, we cry. In Paris we drink too much and enter the wrong apartment, accidentally sleeping in the wrong bed. That’s Paris.
The PhD student who worships Peter Travers and prefers Kurt Cobain’s technical prowess as a vocalist over Nirvana as a band.
Does this mean Santa's Workshop will close? Santa's Workshop will live on as a digital storefront competing with hundreds of counterfeiters.
The first thing I noticed was my temporary roommates smiled and clapped each time they saw the Grinch’s glorious glutes.
Did you know a stroke of lightning lasts roughly 30 microseconds? DID YOU?! What if I hadn’t hit the cable at the right microsecond, Doc?
With casualties in the hundreds of thousands, just be glad you're dating someone that’s alive.
She goes to bed early, after washing her face and applying night serum. I go to bed drunk, after forgetting to brush my teeth or remove my contacts.