“You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.”

“I've always had a crush on you but was too afraid to do anything about it.”

“Wait a minute. This is wrong. I mean, I'm a 38-year-old man in my 14-year-old body. And you—you're a child! I can't hit on you. What am I doing? This played out much differently in my head.”

“No, I'm not crazy. I swear. One moment I was crying alone on a dark pier when this mystical woman appeared. She asked if there was anything I would wish for, to make me feel better, and I wished to be able to re-do my life with all the knowledge that I gained. You know, hoping to correct my past mistakes.”

“Why are you laughing? Do you know what it's like going through life wondering how things could be different if you weren't so afraid all the time? I spent my entire adult life wanting to be able to go back and change my past after I gained some confidence in my early thirties.”

“Have you seen the movie Big? It's like that but the opposite. And with time travel.”

“I didn’t really think this one through. I'm stuck here in this pre-Y2K past. I now have homework again and two presentations next week! I can’t even go to the bar to relieve my stress. Please help me get back to my future self. I have no one else to turn to.”

“Oh my god. I just had a realization. If I fail to get back to my present, I'll have to re-do my whole life exactly as I lived it. How am I supposed to remember everything that I did?”

“No, you don't need to go to class! You need to help me. I came back here for you after all. My plan was to get you to fall in love with me and change the trajectory of my life so by the time I turned 35, I would be a successful man with a wife and two kids.”

“How is this not making any sense? If I had the proper confidence in my younger years, I wouldn't be broke, living with my parents, and crying in the shower every night. It all traces back to you.”

“No, I’m not saying we would be together that long. We would break up senior year and then I would be able to ask out other girls in college and beyond thanks to you.”

“Charity? No. We would be in love—the breakup would hurt us both! We would constantly think of each other throughout our lives and maybe one day—years down the line, we would see each other with our kids who are about the same age and for a brief moment together we re-live our youth. You tell me that you miss my naive excitement of life and I tell you I miss the way you laugh at people on the street. We thank each other for the love we shared so long ago and part ways. It would be beautiful. I’m just saying what’s here isn’t something that would last a lifetime.”

“I’m sorry but I’m just being honest. Maybe you’re too young to understand how rare honesty is in a partner.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Hey– Hey you don't need to get security. You know what? I'll just walk away.”


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