R.J. Kushner profile page

R.J. Kushner Chicago

Ryan Kushner is a writer and comedian in Chicago, where he lives posthumously.

Comedy Writing

The office toilet backing up is probably not the best use of The Dark Knight's time.

Did they really hurt their ankle or do they just want to stop hiking with you because you brought your own poop bag?

I’ve delayed trains for hours at a time just to let couples wet each other’s face holes before departure.

I’ll tell you this about Carson City, pard: if’n you wanna survive on these wild plains, best thing you can do is subscribe to my newsletter.

Last I checked, relaxing in swamps was not against the HOA bylaws.

Thoughts of that scene have no place in this mindful state we are entering. Simply wave goodbye to those thoughts as they float by in your mind.

If you’ve timed it right, you will be dead before you hit the floor. Your death will look like that of a hero defending the store from a shoplifter.

Executive Producer: I don’t quite understand. What exactly is the “lone phoenix”? Are you talking about Sophie Turner’s character? Marketer: Hm?

Many of you hare aware of the plumbing issue recently discovered in the sacristy toilet, a situation Father David referred to as “a test of faith.”