Marketer: OK, check this: A really, really dark background. I’m talking super dark. Basically nothing is visible but a lone phoenix, looking distraught. Caption reads: “Are you afraid of the dark?”
Executive Producer: I don’t quite understand. What exactly is the “lone phoenix”? Are you talking about Sophie Turner’s character?
M: Hm?
M: This you’ll love: Sophie Turner is front and center, wearing a crown. A dead grinch lays bloody at her feet. The background is still really dark—not a lightbulb in sight. Caption: “Winter. Is. Coming.”
EP: That’s Game of Thrones.
M: Pardon?
EP: You’re referencing Game of Thrones. Except for the grinch part; I have no idea what that’s from. You mean like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas?
M: Hm?
M: OK, picture this: There’s a tumbleweed and a dry, wispy breeze. The ghost of Senator John McCain fades in above, looking strong and proud. Caption: “Come see the Grand Canyon!”
EP: I’m sorry, I’m still a little confused. Are you thinking the film takes place in Phoenix, Arizona?
M: Hm?
EP: And the Grand Canyon isn’t in Phoenix.
M: Hm?
M: Alright, this is the one: We keep Sophie Turner front and center, but in the background the sneaky Grinch holds a butcher knife to Patrick Stewart’s fat neck. Caption: “What now, Captain Picard?”
EP: It’s Professor Xavier.
M: Exactly, the professor’s savior.
EP: No, Professor Xavier. Captain Picard is from Star Trek.
M: Well, it’s sort of a metaphor.
EP: Huh? And wait, why is the Grinch still there?
M: Hm?
M: OK, Sophie and Dr. Xavier's big fat neck are seen in a dark room and the ghost of John McCain lords over them. In McCain’s hands, a phoenix rising from the ashes. Caption: “What happened to the Grinch!?”
EP: OK, I’m going to just stop you. Did you watch the movie?
M: Did you watch the movie?
EP: I made the movie.
M: Oooh, well look at Mr. Big Shot.
M: OK, I really feel like we’ve got it this time: Sophie is hovering over top of Captain Xavier, who is absolutely crushing the Grinch with his fat freaking neck—
EP: What in the hell are you talking about? What is with the neck?
M: Hm?
EP: OK, I’ve heard more than enough. Thanks for your input, but you clearly did not watch the film sample we sent you in advance.
M: Honestly, I wonder if it’s you who hasn’t seen the film? In either case, you’ve wasted enough of my time. Kindly leave my office.
EP: This is my office.
M: Hm?