Marketer: OK, check this: A really, really dark background. I’m talking super dark. Basically nothing is visible but a lone phoenix, looking distraught. Caption reads: “Are you afraid of the dark?”

Executive Producer: I don’t quite understand. What exactly is the “lone phoenix”? Are you talking about Sophie Turner’s character?

M: Hm?


M: This you’ll love: Sophie Turner is front and center, wearing a crown. A dead grinch lays bloody at her feet. The background is still really dark—not a lightbulb in sight. Caption: “Winter. Is. Coming.”

EP: That’s Game of Thrones.

M: Pardon?

EP: You’re referencing Game of Thrones. Except for the grinch part; I have no idea what that’s from. You mean like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas?

M: Hm?


M: OK, picture this: There’s a tumbleweed and a dry, wispy breeze. The ghost of Senator John McCain fades in above, looking strong and proud. Caption: “Come see the Grand Canyon!”

EP: I’m sorry, I’m still a little confused. Are you thinking the film takes place in Phoenix, Arizona?

M: Hm?

EP: And the Grand Canyon isn’t in Phoenix.

M: Hm?


M: Alright, this is the one: We keep Sophie Turner front and center, but in the background the sneaky Grinch holds a butcher knife to Patrick Stewart’s fat neck. Caption: “What now, Captain Picard?”

EP: It’s Professor Xavier.

M: Exactly, the professor’s savior.

EP: No, Professor Xavier. Captain Picard is from Star Trek.

M: Well, it’s sort of a metaphor.

EP: Huh? And wait, why is the Grinch still there?

M: Hm?


M: OK, Sophie and Dr. Xavier's big fat neck are seen in a dark room and the ghost of John McCain lords over them. In McCain’s hands, a phoenix rising from the ashes. Caption: “What happened to the Grinch!?”

EP: OK, I’m going to just stop you. Did you watch the movie?

M: Did you watch the movie?

EP: I made the movie.

M: Oooh, well look at Mr. Big Shot.


M: OK, I really feel like we’ve got it this time: Sophie is hovering over top of Captain Xavier, who is absolutely crushing the Grinch with his fat freaking neck—

EP: What in the hell are you talking about? What is with the neck?

M: Hm?
EP: OK, I’ve heard more than enough. Thanks for your input, but you clearly did not watch the film sample we sent you in advance.

M: Honestly, I wonder if it’s you who hasn’t seen the film? In either case, you’ve wasted enough of my time. Kindly leave my office.

EP: This is my office.

M: Hm?

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