Journal Prompts Written by Me, Your Middle School Bully
Prompt 4: Do you think you’ll ever grow out of being a nerd?
Tag: School
My Last Thoughts as My Chair Tipped Over Backwards That One Time in 3rd Grade
Tic Tac Toe: a clever way to tell a girl you like her?
Translations of the Inspirational Quotes Posted on Facebook by Denise, a Snowplow Parent of Two Teenagers
This Maya Angelou quote means "It’s 9:00 AM, and Denise is plotting to become the next head of the PTA."
Your School District’s Superintendent Introduces His Top Ten New Substitute Teachers
Our Tallest 2nd Grader: I mean, have you seen this kid? He can even spell “tyrannosaur.” Anyway, he’ll be teaching AP Bio.
Things I Would Say to My Crush If I Woke Up Back in High School
"I didn't really think this one through. I'm stuck here in this pre-Y2K past. I now have homework again and two presentations next week!"
The MD: The World’s Only Sexually Transmitted Degree
When I married my wife, I assumed all of her knowledge. That's how marriage works. Marriage means sharing everything.
Top Ten Tips for a Safe and Effective Fire Drill at Euphoria High School
Do not schedule the drill during prime hangover hours.
The Importance of Perfect Structure in the Authoring of Academic Essays
When a teacher assigns a five-paragraph essay, his or her whole class jumps for joy because this kind of essay is truly a thrill to both read and write.
For a Nominal Fee, I’ll Scream at the School Board on Your Behalf
I’ll scream your name as many times as you’d like, or, as a new feature, I’ll rip my shirt off to reveal another shirt with a picture of you screaming.
I’m an English Teacher in a Horror Movie, and These Budget Cuts Are Really Starting to Hurt
Their parents, who are never in town, don’t answer my emails, so parent-teacher conferences are as big a joke as life insurance in this town.
School Spirit Week for Our Actual School Spirit
For PE period, Mr. Smith will lead you in a round of mumblety peg, which he informs us has something to do with knife-throwing! Zany!
Psych 3000: The Psychology of Nihilistic Anger
In Unit 2, we will delve into how I’m sick of your stupid shit too, and pretty please fuck off (and thank you).