Sometimes I Think About My Childhood Best Friend and Wonder “Whatever Happened to That Guy?”
No one was as close to me as Elliott. We were two peas in a pod, a regular pair of pals, two elephants in a diaper.
Tag: School
A Tribute to Mr. Thompson: Teacher, Mentor, Possible Necromancer
It was never clear what subject he was supposed to be teaching, since on our schedules it was spelled in mysterious runes that burned your eyes.
An Open Letter to That Asshole, Algebra, Who I Thought I’d Never See Again
I’ve never needed the Pythagorean Theorem for any moment of my life. I’m a million times better off without you, just like I always thought.
Hi, I’m Reader #2, and I Wouldn’t Be Doing My Job If I Didn’t Tell You That Your Writing Is Garbage
Congrats on your new academic article, though I should really be congratulating myself because the version of your I wrote in my head is much better.
List: Kindergarten Missed Connections
You clapped for me in music when I put all the recorders in my mouth at once. They tasted like the way a basketball smells.
When Am I Ever Going to Use This in the Real World, 2021 Edition
The grocery store is like a math classroom come to life. This fact is true even as the global food supply chain crumbles.
A Bully’s Recipe for a Knuckle Sandwich
Concocting a knuckle sandwich is a delicacy in itself, and should be taken with care.
The Characters in My Language Learning Videos Simply Aren’t Believable
Stranger still, though, is to accept the behavior of John and Maria as that of two characters who do not ultimately have sex.
List: Classic Movie Quotes but the Movie’s About Parents Working from Home During a Pandemic While Their 5-Year-Old Also Has Virtual School
'It's online! It's online!' – Frankenstein 'If you start the Webex meeting, he will climb on your lap.' – Field of Dreams
Join Our Group and Say “Nuh-Uh!” and Reject Personal Beauty Routines as Social Constructs
We don’t care about fingernails. Well, we kind of care that they’re clean, but we don’t file, buff, color, or cover them up with fake nails.
How to Safely Reopen Schools According to Your Childless Male Friend
As a dude who’s got a bachelor's in biz dev, a 2.6 GPA, and has read most of the first quarter of "Infinite Jest," this shouldn't be all that hard.
People Quit Liking Me as Soon as I Started Studying for the GRE Verbal Section
You might guess that my embryonic study schedule has engendered absconsion from social connections, but let me disabuse you of this insipid notion.