7 A.M.: I wake up in bed with my boyfriend—a regular occurrence because my parents are completely absent but not in a neglectful way—despite being 16. Meanwhile, his are totally cool and chill in a way no parent to a teenager has ever been.

7:15 A.M.: I throw together a super chic outfit that is also entirely inappropriate to wear to school, but very normal for Tree Hill High—a t-shirt repping the hottest new band, tailored specifically so the hemline ends right below my belly button, and low-rise jeans—because how else would you know it’s 2003?

8 A.M.: After ignoring the full continental breakfast his mom made for us despite me nailing her son last night, I drive my boyfriend to school in my brand-new, baby blue Volkswagen Beetle that my never-depicted father bought for me as a guilt gift.

12:00 P.M.: School, I guess? Who knows.

2:30 P.M.: I have a heated conversation in the courtyard with my best friend who also dated my boyfriend before we were together. We sort of trade him back and forth, like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

3:00 P.M.: I go to cheerleading practice, where my friend and I both share longing glances with my boyfriend while he plays basketball. In a few weeks, we’ll both be at his bedside while he recovers from a car crash. Then we’ll stop speaking entirely, but it’s okay because during the season finale we get kidnapped and held hostage. After we both make it out alive, we forgive each other!

5:00 P.M.: I go to my job at the bafflingly stylish clothing boutique that this small town’s economy somehow sustains despite having a population of 400 people (but only 40 people that really matter).

7:30 P.M.: I eat dinner at Karen’s Cafe, run by my boyfriend’s mom and my ex-boyfriend’s mom, both of whom are more concerned for my well-being than any adult I’ve ever met.

8:00 P.M.: It’s open mic night at the cafe, and guess what? A huge musician who is given away in the opening credits as “guest starring” happens to drop in and perform his biggest song, which also serves as our show’s theme song. What a quirky little town we live in!

9:30 P.M.: I wind down from the day in my perfectly personalized bedroom—unusually clean for a teenager—by watching a black-and-white movie from the 50s on cable to show I’m an old soul and have depth.

10:00 P.M.: My ex-boyfriend knocks on my bedroom door, interrupting movie night. He says he dropped by to check in on me—since I was kidnapped and held hostage last week by my dad’s ex-girlfriend—but really he came to tell me he loves me and to kiss me in the rain, even though we’re not together anymore and also inside.

11:00 P.M.: My other ex-boyfriend drops by to tell me he needs help solving his ex-step-brother’s murder, and also that he is still in love with me. The drama never stops in Tree Hill!