Owned Department Store Art: If you’ve owned more than four pieces of art from a TJ Maxx, Home Goods, or Marshalls, combined, over the course of your lifetime, you are 75% more likely to think an AI version of the Mona Lisa smiling more is better than the original.

Purchased NFTs to Use as a Profile Pic: If you ever changed your Twitter profile picture to an NFT, you are 20% more likely to lose everything investing in a “Tiny Home Timeshare” in Portland, Oregon.

Still Have a Facebook Account: If you’re still using Facebook today, you’ll still be using Facebook in 2042.

Worked for a Company That Said, “We’re a family”: If your company had “we’re a family” anywhere on their website while you worked there, you are 70% more likely to be in therapy unpacking how you devoted 94% of your waking time to the boss at that job.

Used the Phrase “That Slaps”: If you use “that slaps” more than twice a week for the past ten years, you are three times more likely to attempt to bring back, “Whoop there it is!” “That’s the bomb!” and “Wassssuppppp” from the Budweiser commercials in the 2030s.

Used #Blessed Seriously: If you have ever used “hashtag blessed” seriously, you are statistically more likely to commit tax evasion than 37% of all U.S. small businesses. Don’t worry, though, Jesus is with you wherever you go—even federal prison.

Owned Wooden Linked Objects: If you had oversized Mala beads on display in your home in the 2020s, either displayed on a stack of books or taking up a little space on your credenza, you are 30% more likely to join a Mormon polygamy cult where you’ll argue with your sister wives about interior design for the rest of your life.

Boasted a Millennial Pink Wall: If you had a millennial pink wall in your apartment in 2016, you are 41% likely to still be renting twenty years later.

Coveted Subway Tile: Seven out of every ten people that dreamed of one day putting subway tile in their kitchen now live in the suburbs with said kitchen and haven’t taken public transit in years.

Thrown a Gender Reveal Party: If you put together an elaborate gender reveal party (especially one that caused a forest fire), your child is 133% more likely to hate you as an adult, regardless of gender.

Proclaimed Yourself a “Dog Mom” in Your Instagram Bio: It’s a fact: three out of every ten dog-mom women will have become “fish moms” by 2042.