He died how he lived: absolutely slamming expired Capri Suns.

— James Folta, @jamesfolta

How come we can DRIVE on a PARKway but I can’t PARK my ASS in your HOT tub just because I don’t LIVE here or KNOW you?

— James Folta, @jamesfolta

If you die on a picnic, you die in real life.

— James Folta, @jamesfolta

I’m the Michael Jordan of softly saying “okay” to myself 75+ times per day.

— James Folta, @jamesfolta

I bet if instead of killing yourself you could turn yourself into a turtle, there’d be a lot less suicide and a lot more turtles.

— James Folta, @jamesfolta

Don’t judge me ’til you’ve cruised a mile in my Heelys.

— James Folta, @jamesfolta

It’s fitting that I never learned how to correctly spell “self-sabatogue.”

— James Folta, @jamesfolta