You’re asking me if something’s wrong? Yeah, there is something wrong. You’re not chasing your dreams right now! That’s what’s wrong. You’re asking me if I’m feeling okay, but the real question is whether you’re feeling okay. Okay with letting life slip past you! Why are you worried about me when you should be worried about your financial future?

Actually, I think I’m responding quite normally to the motivational seminar I watch constantly. You only think I’m experiencing a motivation overdose because of your weak mindset!

Lemme tell you a story. It’s a story about a man named Thomas Edison. And people told him, “You’re not allowed to invent the lightbulb! If God had meant us to pass electricity through a thin wire until it glows, he would have made us screw in a new sun every few months!” Do you think that stopped him? No. Fix your mindset.

Lemme tell you another story. It’s about a man named Thomas Edison. No, I haven’t told you this story already! This is a different Thomas Edison! Anyway, one day, he thought “Should I do nothing today but sit on the couch and eat potato chips, or should I go invent the lightbulb?”. And do you know which one he chose? That’s right, the first one. And that’s why you’ve only heard of one Thomas Edison! Fix your mindset.

How many fingers are you holding up? Let me give you a better question. How many jobs are you holding down? While you’re putting fingers in the air, I’m putting fingers on my keyboard. You spend your time counting fingers, while I spend my time counting checks. I don’t have time to count for you because I’m out here trying to count for something. Haven’t you heard about people who succeed without lifting a finger?

Lemme tell you a story. It’s about a man whose name wasn’t Thomas Edison. And every day, people told him, “You’re not allowed to invent the lightbulb. Only people who are named Thomas Edison are allowed to do that!” But do you think that stopped him? No. And that’s why lightbulbs were first invented by Bob Lightbulb, the man lightbulbs are named after. Fix your mindset.

Lemme tell you a story. It’s about a woman named Thomas Edison’s Mother. And everyone told her, “You can’t give birth to a child who invents the lightbulb! Only men can do that!” But do you think she listened? Not at all. And do you know what her baby’s name was? Bob Lightbulb. Fix your mindset.

Oh, you want someone to call an ambulance? What if instead, I call out how you’re making excuses for not following your dreams? Instead of 911, what you need is the 411. Which is that there’s no hospital for not being satisfied with your life. The only pill you can swallow is that no one’s gonna fix things for you. I’m doing you an emergency service of telling it like it is. There’s only one prescription for you, and it’s hard work.

Lemme tell you a story. It’s about a lightbulb whose name was Lightbulb Lightbulb Lightbulbison. And everybody around him used to say, “Oh God, I can’t breathe! Help me, I can’t breathe! This isn’t part of the story! Please help!” But did he listen? Not at all. And that’s why he invented lightbulbs, and you’re just some pencil-pusher, giving his coworker CPR. Is your mindset fixed yet?

Oh, you want me to stay with you, huh? You want me to not walk towards the glowing, warm, light? That’s just what they said to Bulb Lightbob, the man who invented Bobs, which are named after Bob Lightbulb. Oh, I’m dying? Yeah, right. Death is just an excuse lazy people use to not get on that grind. Fix your mind–