Before I Move, I Will Finish All of the Condiments in My Fridge
If I can find the scissors and cut open all seventy-three of these packets, I might almost have enough stale soy sauce for one stir fry serving.
Comedy Writing
The Vision I Had When I Bought This Kitchen Appliance Versus Reality
Cast-Iron Pan Reality: The cake turns out “rustic,” but in a bad way.
Stages of Processing a Catcaller Saying “You’ve Still Got It”
Minimizing: Well, at least saying you’ve “still got it” isn’t vulgar or threatening.
Are You a Human Sending a Circle Back Email, or an Alien Making a Crop Circle?
Your message may simply be too sophisticated to be understood by lower life forms.
Hey, I Was Out on a Run and Saw You Sitting Here at Brunch
I’m so jealous of guys like you who can just sit at a table like this for hours and hours without literally moving a muscle—must be nice.