This Getaway Car Is from “Pimp My Ride”
Just kinda set the money bags on your knees. I’d tell you to move the gold-plated racquet holder, but it’s welded to the center console.
Tag: Police
I’m the Best Detective in the World, So Why Do You Keep Second-Guessing Me?
What’s your motive for second-guessing me every second of every day? Every week, we go through the same rigamarole.
How to Spice Up Your Good Cop, Bad Cop Routine
Taylor Swift "Reputation" Era Cop, Taylor Swift "1989" Era Cop – Good luck resisting this interrogation technique, criminals.
I Better Not Let My Emotions Get in the Way While Transporting This Ruthless Killer That I Have Personal Connections with on Halloween Night
You can provoke me all you want but I'm not going to do anything irrational. Except remove your handcuffs in a parking lot.
A Letter from Ginger, the Crime-Solving Tabby of “The Maple Tree Mysteries” Book Series
My life has been nothing but cutesy crime solving and I’m over it. I’d rather get spayed again than have to solve one more cozy mystery.
Episode Titles and Descriptions for a New and Overlong True-Crime Series
Experts discuss the latest lake tragedy: the uptick in water quality issues of Pennsylvania’s second-largest lake due to an increase in boat usage!
Secret Menu from the Long John Silver’s Next to an Apartment That Sells Adderall
The "Definitely Not Adderall" Meal ($54.99): A taco shell with six tablets of Adderall in it.
The Sleepytime Tea Bear Reports a Robbery
The criminals must have also found it easy to sneak around me, due to the rug, and fireplace, and radio.
ACLU of Gotham Press Release Re: People v. Batman, City of Gotham PD
"I didn’t even know it was a crime. I worked down at the docks. I had no idea I was helping smuggle in the Scarecrow’s neurotoxins."
Things Said at a Backyard BBQ or Scotland Yard Murder Investigation?
The environment takes its toll. The long hours on your feet, the questions about where things are, all the ingredients involved in such a job...
This Is a Robbery, and Also My Birthday Party
Empty your pockets. Phones out, now! And you know what? While you’re doing that, why don’t you all sing Happy Birthday?
A Love Letter to My Valentine, Catastrophic Thoughts, On Our First Anniversary
Or how about that day in April when I forget to wash the Cheetos bag? I fell into a fetal position, and I knew you were my soul mate.