No, this is not my superhero outfit. Just once you get used to Spandex it’s hard to go back to restrictive dockers.
Squirrel Police Department dispatch received a call from a squirrel who said he wasn't sure, but it seemed like he was being shadowed by a red-tailed hawk.
Seeking gray-haired, whiskey-drinking curmudgeon to oversee a department of knucklehead agents with withering disdain.
Just kinda set the money bags on your knees. I’d tell you to move the gold-plated racquet holder, but it’s welded to the center console.
What’s your motive for second-guessing me every second of every day? Every week, we go through the same rigamarole.
Taylor Swift "Reputation" Era Cop, Taylor Swift "1989" Era Cop – Good luck resisting this interrogation technique, criminals.
I Better Not Let My Emotions Get in the Way While Transporting This Ruthless Killer That I Have Personal Connections with on Halloween Night
You can provoke me all you want but I'm not going to do anything irrational. Except remove your handcuffs in a parking lot.
My life has been nothing but cutesy crime solving and I’m over it. I’d rather get spayed again than have to solve one more cozy mystery.
Experts discuss the latest lake tragedy: the uptick in water quality issues of Pennsylvania’s second-largest lake due to an increase in boat usage!
The "Definitely Not Adderall" Meal ($54.99): A taco shell with six tablets of Adderall in it.
The criminals must have also found it easy to sneak around me, due to the rug, and fireplace, and radio.
"I didn’t even know it was a crime. I worked down at the docks. I had no idea I was helping smuggle in the Scarecrow’s neurotoxins."