It's me, the least popular character to break into your home and leave stuff in the name of celebration. Let me lay it out for you.
Submissions open at 3 AM on nights when our editor-in-chief looks at the night sky and feels a particular shade of melancholy.
What have you been up to during Covid, other than neglecting your split ends, obviously? Did you box dye your hair? I thought so.
Q: Your website says that you’re size inclusive, but you only go up to size L. Are you out of stock of larger sizes?
Everywhere you look, soulless old demons are worshipping the man in charge. And while there is food available, all of it is from Albertsons.
Let me know how I can be of use. Today’s Tip: You’re spending too much time on Twitter at the expense of your personal relationships!
“57 Varieties of Courage” Velveeta pulled her long red hair, the robust shade of Heinz ketchup, under a hood before leaving for the morning hunt.
Our great nation was built on the backs of people just like me: MBAs who got their jobs through their dad’s business connections.
Due to a disputed public executioner election, political lawn signs are no longer permitted. No decorative flamingos, gnomes, or heads on pikes.
I’m a Feral Pigeon, and I’m Running to Replace the Bald Eagle as the Avian Symbol of American Freedom in 2020
As a real American bird, I’m going to get down on the ground and fight a sewer rat for half of a discarded Chalupa.
I'm a sex-positive ursidae in touch with my body and on fire with sexual empowerment. If you've seen a picture of me, I'm not even wearing pants.
And then it hit me: if Jessica is begging for my wisdom, there must be dozens of other hot girl writers who are crying out for my help, too.