The environment takes its toll. The long hours on your feet, the questions about where things are, all the ingredients involved in such a job...
Empty your pockets. Phones out, now! And you know what? While you’re doing that, why don’t you all sing Happy Birthday?
Or how about that day in April when I forget to wash the Cheetos bag? I fell into a fetal position, and I knew you were my soul mate.
Q: Do members have to kill to show how committed they are? A: Our initiation ritual is to show everyone in the gang your Internet search history.
With casualties in the hundreds of thousands, just be glad you're dating someone that’s alive.
"Pups Go Camping" - The PAW Patrol round-up protestors, immigrants, and intellectuals to take to a mandatory camp in the woods.
We saved lives, and now it’s safe again to watch Snow White without worrying that the theater will be overrun by pointy-eared monsters and explode.
Maybe you thought being stinky was intentional on my part, like I decided my “gimmick” is that I’m the bank robber who stinks?
If the Mouth Police catch you they send you to mega jail. It’s like jail but bigger and where my rebel dad is.
Listen, I know these struggles are just theoretical for me—but that’s why they’re so easy to argue against!
The Secret Service have used anagrams for White House codenames since Hairball Conman (Abraham Lincoln). These are the Trump administration aliases.
Things are changing in our country. But one thing that remains constant, however, is the Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck up my anus.