Things Said at a Backyard BBQ or Scotland Yard Murder Investigation?
The environment takes its toll. The long hours on your feet, the questions about where things are, all the ingredients involved in such a job...
Tag: Police
This Is a Robbery, and Also My Birthday Party
Empty your pockets. Phones out, now! And you know what? While you’re doing that, why don’t you all sing Happy Birthday?
A Love Letter to My Valentine, Catastrophic Thoughts, On Our First Anniversary
Or how about that day in April when I forget to wash the Cheetos bag? I fell into a fetal position, and I knew you were my soul mate.
This Street Gang Is Committed to Transparency
Q: Do members have to kill to show how committed they are? A: Our initiation ritual is to show everyone in the gang your Internet search history.
Secrets to Rekindling Love While Burning Down a Dystopian Society
With casualties in the hundreds of thousands, just be glad you're dating someone that’s alive.
“PAW Patrol” Episodes That Not-So-Subtly Promote Fascism
"Pups Go Camping" - The PAW Patrol round-up protestors, immigrants, and intellectuals to take to a mandatory camp in the woods.
Re-Elect Me Sheriff of Kingston Falls or Gremlins Will Destroy Our Town Again, by Sheriff Frank
We saved lives, and now it’s safe again to watch Snow White without worrying that the theater will be overrun by pointy-eared monsters and explode.
This Is a Message from “The Stinky Bandit”
Maybe you thought being stinky was intentional on my part, like I decided my “gimmick” is that I’m the bank robber who stinks?
Mouth Police: The Next Bestselling YA Dystopian Novel
If the Mouth Police catch you they send you to mega jail. It’s like jail but bigger and where my rebel dad is.
Just to Play Devil’s Advocate, What if We Didn’t Defund the Police?
Listen, I know these struggles are just theoretical for me—but that’s why they’re so easy to argue against!
LEAKED: Anagrams of White House Officials’ Names Used as Secret Service Codenames
The Secret Service have used anagrams for White House codenames since Hairball Conman (Abraham Lincoln). These are the Trump administration aliases.
Now’s Not the Time to Bring Up the Buzz Lightyear Toy Up My Ass, Right?
Things are changing in our country. But one thing that remains constant, however, is the Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck up my anus.