Captain Perry’s Buried Treasure ($9.99)

A 10-milligram Adderall in a water cup and an empty paper bag.

The Super Secret Surf ‘n’ Surf 2 Piece Fish Combo ($19.99)

Two tablets of Adderall in a small fountain drink and an empty paper bag.

Hushpuppies A La Carte ($14.99)

Crushed up Adderall served in a milkshake straw.

Grilled Po’ Boy w/ Coleslaw Plate ($42.99)

A hamburger bun with five tablets of Adderall in the middle.

The “Definitely Not Adderall” Meal ($54.99)

A taco shell with six tablets of Adderall in it.

The “Anything BUT Adderall If You Know What I’m Saying Wink Wink” Special ($62.49)

A hotdog bun with seven tablets of Adderall in the middle.

“We Sell Seafood Not Prescription Drugs. Just Because We’re Friends With The Guy Who Lives Next Door Where They Sell Adderall Doesn’t Mean We Do” Meal ($79.99)

A medium fountain drink cup with nine tablets of Adderall in it.

The “Listen Pal, I’m Not Here To Buy Adderall How Dare You Assume That Of Me, A Sensitive Young Man, I Just Want Some Fish & Chips Extra Tartar Sauce” Combo ($94.99)

An egg carton full of Adderall (12 tablets).

The “There’s A Long John Silver’s Near My House But I Don’t Know I Love Driving All The Way, 3 Hours And Across State Lines, To This One For Some Reason” Platter ($179.99)

A magnum condom full of Adderall (24 tablets) inside of a large fountain drink cup.

Hello There, I’m Here To Buy Some Food For My Wife Martha And My Son Stephen And My Daughter Thepolicearecoming ($0.00)

A signal disguised as pre-order dialogue to notify the Long John Silver’s staff to hide all the evidence of drug dealing because the police are coming.

Don’t Mind Me I’m Just Tapping On The Counter In This Specific Pattern: –. .. …- . / — . / – …. . / .- -.. -.. . .-. .- .-.. .-.. / — ..-. / – …. . / -.. .- -.– ($4.99 — $44.99)

Morse code for “Give me the Adderall of the day.”

Orrysay Otay Otherbay Ouyay, Ouldcay Iyay Etgay Omesay Eshfray Dderallay Omfray Ethay Ugdray Ealerday Extnay Oorday Atthay Ellssay Outyay Ofyay Isthay Onglay Ohnjay Ilvers’say? ($9.99 — $29.99)

Pig Latin for “Sorry to bother you, could I get some fresh Adderall from the drug dealer next door that sells out of this Long John Silver’s?”

I Really REALLY Need A Fish Sandwich RIGHT NOW ($29.99)

This is code for “I really REALLY need a 30 milligram tablet of Adderall RIGHT NOW.”

C’mon Hand It Over The, Uh, Fish Or Whatever I Have To Say To Get Two 30 Milligrams Of Adderall ($54.99)

Two 30 milligram tablets of Adderall.

No One Is In Here So I’m Just Going To Say What I Want: Give Me Three 30 Milligrams Of Adderall—No, You Know What? Make It Four. Four Addies And A Water Cup. My Mouth Is Dry From…Well It’s Probably From All The Adderall I’ve Been Using ($104.99)

Four 30 milligram tablets of Adderall and a water cup.

Fried Catfish And Rice ($8.99)

Catfish fried in panko breadcrumbs with a side of rice. The Adderall dealer is also an amateur chef. Pairs well with a pinot noir and Adderall.


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