Vitamin A — Helps maintain healthy skin and tissue.

Vitamin C — Enables you to parallel park perfectly on your first attempt.

Vitamin D — Gives you the power to dunk a basketball.

Vitamin F — Repairs red blood cells, and repairs your tattered relationship with your father.

Vitamin T — Turns you into a Teen-Wolf (and also gives you the power to dunk and basketball).

Vitamin KS — Provides you with the courage to ask Katie Sorratino to the dance (recent FDA studies have shown that it does not guarantee she will say yes).

Vitamin X — Reduces your bones to a soggy, gelatin-like substance. However, if taken with food, gives you the ability to do any single yo-yo trick of your choosing.

Vitamin J — Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord & savior? He’s the only vitamin you need.

Vitamin 9201 — Offsets the severe rashes caused by ingesting Vitamin J.

Vitamin Wayne — Manufactured by our roommate Wayne. Claims it blocks the government’s spy satellites from reading your mind.

Vitamin A With Lime — Just in time for summer, your favorite vitamin with a refreshing twist of lime. Grab one today! Vitamin A With Lime, feel the rush!

Vitamin Hulk — Contrary to popular belief, does NOT give you the strength of the Incredible Hulk, but rather the handlebar mustache of Hulk Hogan.

Vitamin Proteus — Not a vitamin, but a ship that has been shrunken down to a tiny size with a shrink ray so that the crew inside may diffuse the bomb that has been planted in the president’s brain. Contains scientists, doctors, and one hotshot, plays-by-his-own-rules pilot just looking at a chance for redemption.

Vitamin M — Oh, no, sorry, that’s just a peanut M&M. Sorry.