Hey Siren, I heard you singing from across the harbor and just wanted to stop by and say those are some serious pipes you’ve got there. After weeks at sea with nothing but crabs for company, hearing a voice like yours is a real treat.

But, if I could offer one tiny suggestion, while you sound amazing, the song choice doesn’t show off your full potential, so I’d love to hear you sing something more contemporary.

Again, you’re a top-notch vocalist. Don’t go messing with that gift of yours. I rerouted my ship because I had to meet the songbird behind it. It’s so mesmerizing, I almost crashed into these jagged rocks by your cave, and probably would have if I were into the whole ethereal opera thing you’ve got going on, but it’s just not for me. I bet fishermen on the Amalfi Coast would love it, but I’m more of a pop-rock guy and think you’d sing the hell out of that genre.

Maybe it’s the sailor in me, but I’ve always had a thing for “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)” by Looking Glass. Partially because my life, my love, my lady is the sea. Also, because it’s one catchy tune. Either way, I love it and would love to hear you belt it out.

I’ll tell you what, I keep a guitar below deck to help pass the lonely days at sea. How about I grab it while you hop aboard, and then we can bang out a cover. I can’t carry a tune like you, but I know all the words and chords, so I’ll take the lead, and you feel free to jump in at any time to harmonize or back me up on the chorus. Once you get the hang of it, we sail across the harbor, sell my boat and head to California to audition for America’s Got Talent.

Yeah, I said my life, my love, my lady is the sea, but that’s just a lyric I quote to drum up business. While people eat it up like king crab legs bathed in clarified butter, that’s not who I am. Don’t get me wrong, I love the song, but I never dreamed of having a job that makes me smell like I’ve been brined in a mixture of sweat, salt water, and sea weed. So when I heard your magical voice, I saw a way out.

You don’t have to be Simon Cowell to know you’ve got “It” and that your talent is being wasted singing at sea. If all the other sailors who followed the call of your Siren song didn’t crash into the rocks and die, I’m sure they’d say the same thing.

What I’m getting at is, people deserve to hear you sing. Or I should say, people deserve to hear you sing and then live to tell other people about it. And that all starts on the stage of America’s Got Talent.

Just so we’re clear, this isn’t only about introducing your voice to the world. I’m also in it to win it. And I’ll do whatever it takes to get off this boat once and for all. So, I’m going to need you to put the judges under a trance with that hypnotic lilt of yours.

Can we win without the sorcery? Probably. I bet Simon will even say something nice about your voice. But big picture, they’re dangling a huge cash carrot in our face, and I don’t know about you, but instead of smelling like some briny concoction, I want to smell like a million bucks. With your seductive Siren trick, we’re a lock.

Also, I want to be the one eating king crab legs bathed in clarified butter, not selling them.

So, what do you say? Take it from the top?

Doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo