Business & Tech Jokes

Using a laptop at a standing desk makes you look like the saddest corporate DJ of all time.

— Kenny Reilly

I'm a gumball, and the secret to withstanding inflation is really just a hard, protective shell.

— Dan Gutenberg

Here at the National Weather Service, we pride ourselves on accuracy, which is why at any given moment at any given weather station we have a man licking his finger and holding it in the air.

— Nic Nikcevic, @nicnikcevic

Strong passwords must exercise regularly to maintain their strength.

— Sakhi Gundeti, @sakhi_gundeti

Sometimes I type my computer password incorrectly and hit Enter and my computer rejects it. But then sometimes I hit Enter again as if to say, “Please?”

— Jeff Bender, @jeffbendernet

What is the difference between a poet and a CEO? A poet uses words and a CEO uses people.

— Behzad Barkhordari

Whenever a computer program crashes and asks if you want to either report or ignore it, I always click “ignore” because I’m not a narc.

— Sarah Hass, @tacko_belle

Assistant: I’m here to help!
Boss: I’m here to make sure you help!

— Vic Pinto, @vicpinto_

I called tech support for my quantum computer. They told me to turn it both on and off simultaneously.

— Kyle L. Smith

If blindfolded, could a professional investment manager tell the difference between common shares of Coke and Pepsi? Discuss.

— Rich Pliskin, @RichPliskin

What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? Yesterday!

— Martin Heavisides

LOST: Maze builder. Last seen on way to work.

— Luís Leal Miranda, @luislealmiranda

Potential ridesharing company for teens: Uberty.

— Steve Wyatt

I really need to stop spelling “Colledge” with a “D”. Looks bad on my resume.

— Doug Baker

Hack: I updated my LinkedIn headline to “Visual Storyteller” and was instantly recruited by Rooms To Go.

— Jenna Carrens

“10 Ways to Fix Your AirPods” definitely means “We Don't Know What's Wrong With Your AirPods.”

— Todd Mitchell, @mechatodzilla

Transparency is key, but for some reason most people can't see it.

— Andrew Patty, @drewpatty

The brain surgery industry seems biased towards elitists with medical degrees.

— Ryan Zaharako, @BleedingMarine

I support a gossip-free workplace but I heard that some of our co-workers don’t.

— Jacob Nuckolls, @jacob_nuckolls

There should be a food delivery app that also tells you what part of your order will be wrong or forgotten.

— Kenzi Ani, @kenzianidiot