Global warming is the biggest thirst trap of our time.

Breaking News: Congress found a quarter behind America's ear.

The New York Times will say “Breaking News!” then tell you news that is still intact.

Nobody ever talks about defunding the fashion police or abolishing finger guns.

Given the choice, I'll bet Mary would have preferred an immaculate birth.

“Purity Ring”? No thank you, my Brita pitcher and I are just friends.

Transfers of power more peaceful than the 2020 US presidential election: Steve Harvey announcing Miss Universe; when my dad asks my mom what's for dinner and she says, “I don't know, what’d you make?”; Soon Yi going from daughter to wife.