Week 8 of the 2019 Dating Season
Heather vs Joe: These singles are set to meet on Thursday to open Week 8 and it’s expected to be a close one, as they both have a fondness for PDA.
Sarah Hass
San Francisco
Sarah is an aspiring retiree based in San Francisco, CA. Playing the violin, competitive swimming, and coin collecting are all things she has decided not to pursue.
Comedy Writing
I Went to Asia for 3 Weeks and Here’s What I’m Doing Back in the States to Make Sure Everyone Knows I Went to Asia for 3 Weeks
Recently I have reactivated my Instagram account to post pictures with #worldtraveler, #nomad and, most importantly, "not a bad view for a Monday."
- by Sarah Hass
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- January 15, 2018
Re: Need a Date to My Office Holiday Party
I saw your Craigslist ad about needing a date to your office holiday party. Here's more about me and why you should take me as your plus one!
- by Sarah Hass
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- December 20, 2017
Jokes
I used to know all my friends’ phone numbers by heart and now I can’t walk into a room without saying “what was I gonna do in here?”
I don’t want my doctor to wear jeans and say, “Call me Staci!” I want an 80-year-old in a white coat with glasses who is wise and doesn’t know what TikTok is.
Every workout class today:
– Held in a dark cave blasting remixes at a decibel level you didn’t know was legal indoors
– The instructor is named Morgan, the perkiest girl in Bama rush
– Morgan smile-yells into a microphone to do an exercise you’ve never heard of
Anytime someone compliments my gold watch: “Oh thanks, it doesn’t work, it was $11.”
My therapist wants me to get in the habit of waking up, meditating, and writing down five things I’m grateful for in a journal. So every day I wake up, have a mild panic attack, and write “that I didn’t have social media in high school” in my gratitude.
Whenever a computer program crashes and asks if you want to either report or ignore it, I always click “ignore” because I’m not a narc.
Contrary to popular belief I do not just “stay in sweatpants all day.” I start with outside sweatpants, then house sweatpants, and then bedtime sweatpants.
That moment at the dentist when you forget what the suction thing is called and ask for “Mr. Thirsty.”
There’s nothing worse than exercising, eating healthy, and not drinking, and realizing it works.
“Diet Me” walked so “Vacation Me” could run.
When God closes a door, sometimes he opens another, more confusing door like those revolving ones that are too big for one person but it’s weird if you go in with the person in front of you.
Why do some people look so cool wearing clear glasses, but I look like I’m about to mix unknown sample B over a Bunsen burner?
I’m neither an early bird nor a night owl, I’m a midday pigeon who only leaves my apartment to procure garbage food.
Sometimes I like to give myself pump up talks on Sunday nights as a reminder that the only thing I can control is not bringing a positive attitude to work.
Sometimes when I move the space heater from the living room to the bedroom, knowing I’ll have to move it back to the living room in the morning, I think, “WILL I JUST HAVE TO KEEP MOVING THIS BACK AND FORTH UNTIL I DIE?”
People describe getting hair extensions like you’d describe getting your period to a fourth grader: “You can still do all the same things! Swim, take a bath, even go for a run!”
I’m not the type of crazy ex to key your car or anything, I’m the type of crazy ex who has taken a virtual Zillow tour of the home you bought with your new girlfriend and knows where you sleep. I’m doing fine though.