One-liners, observations, deep thoughts, tinylists, and anecdotes. Submit a Joke
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to be crushed by it, did it miss an opportunity?
What is the difference between a poet and a CEO? A poet uses words and a CEO uses people.
A good friendship must be earned. A true, lasting friendship must be purchased.
Frugal church seeks organ donor.
My knowledge of Greek history is my Archimedes heel.
It’s difficult to tell how spiritual animals are, but I am fairly certain most monkfish believe in Cod.
—First name?
—Jeff.
—Surname?
—Sir Jeff.
Why don't animals wear shoes? Because they are happy with their height.
Recently became familiar with the concept of a yawn. For years I feared sleepy people were trying to eat me.
Magician: Pick a card, any card!
Me: (picks a birthday card)
Magician: (tearfully) You remembered.
Hanging with art friends and repeatedly pointing at graffiti and shouting “Is THAT a Banksy?!” until they snap.
They say marathon running is a mental sport. In my experience, it's mostly legs.
For a town whose motto is “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” they sure sell a lot of souvenirs.
— Barry Purcell, @solo1y
Anthropologists believe Bigfoot will remain hidden until he has finished his screenplay.
Unguided Meditation Narrator: Uh, okay now open your eyes because we're lost.
I used to know all my friends’ phone numbers by heart and now I can’t walk into a room without saying “what was I gonna do in here?”
I don’t want my doctor to wear jeans and say, “Call me Staci!” I want an 80-year-old in a white coat with glasses who is wise and doesn’t know what TikTok is.
I’m an activist and scholar whose praxis embodies the intersections between liberation from systemic injustice and screaming demeaning names at strangers.
My “therapist” thinks I don’t respect his role.
Every workout class today:
– Held in a dark cave blasting remixes at a decibel level you didn’t know was legal indoors
– The instructor is named Morgan, the perkiest girl in Bama rush
– Morgan smile-yells into a microphone to do an exercise you've never heard of