Musicals That Probably Would Not Be Popular in New York City
Basically this show is the plot of Guys and Dolls but, inexplicably, there is also one random guy on stage who keeps insulting Derek Jeter.
Basically this show is the plot of Guys and Dolls but, inexplicably, there is also one random guy on stage who keeps insulting Derek Jeter.
Instead of the dangerous, unethical practice of cloning once-extinct dinosaurs, our exhibits are human clones who pretend to be dinosaurs.
I am here to keep the small talk alive because everyone else is so locked in that they forget how to socialize.
Someone in the room is acting as a leader, and no one is having it
“One final touch, my dear boy,” his Grandma said, carefully placing an entire stick of butter on top of the dish.
Applewhite brought a sense of wisdom and dignity to the role of Grandpa Tugboat, the wise old ship that dispenses much-needed advice.
Your deal is Polaroids, right? That’s cute. I don’t mean that in a condescending way.
Have you tried burping? What about being burped? It’s okay to be small and fragile sometimes. Or all the time.
Did they really hurt their ankle or do they just want to stop hiking with you because you brought your own poop bag?
The study ended after the cone of peach ripple divorced its husband on the grounds that he was having an affair with a strawberry cheesecake.
This Café Makes All The Espresso, I Guess / Sacrifice Something So Grandma Can Leave
Behind every great man may be a great woman. But behind every great woman is an epic bunk bed.
Relativity is abstract, I know. Let’s give it some specificity, to see if we can make it more accessible for you.
Those crashing car sensor lights that have been flashing in your side mirror for 12 miles now? That’s all me, man.
I really don’t want to be a burden, but would you mind coming to help me? Only if it’s on your way home from the office.
You probably know it as the royal insignia of Prince Cuddles from Planet Wuv, curator of the Garden of Rainbows and Dreams.
I’m a bit of a superhero, if you think about it. I’ve got all sorts of bottle openers on me at all times.
There’s no way you’re shouting “SEX ON THE BEACH, PLEASE” over the too loud music.
Remind yourself that you don’t even like Aperol that much and that everyone who says they do is probably lying, at least a little.
Find a wedge that’s been subjected to a sniff inspection by the Sotterraneo Talpa Cieca di Dicenzo (The Underground Blind Mole People of Dicenzo).
Just because I’m an essay collection does not mean you get to neglect a third of my chapters and count me toward your summer Goodreads goal.
From the grandiose giraffe to Anders, this guy that works out at the gym my girlfriend goes to. All life, great and small, depends on water.
Whenever the sincerity of my work is doubted, I always point to my author’s photo as evidence of a life lived.
You're in for a unique experience that's unlike every other boutique hotel's unique experience.
As my dearest mother used to say: "You can tell a lot about an apartment by their lobby’s bathroom."
I mean, that’s fine isn’t it? I cost $1500, I’m considered to be the best laptop on the market right now.
We at Pirate’s Landing Funeral Home take a human-first approach to plannin’ a swashbucklin’ goodbye.
Good reasons for anyone, anywhere, under any circumstances, to buy, make, or consume a blueberry bagel.
It looks from your notes that you’d like a "colony of fire ants with the vengeance of a thousand suns."
I am a mortal woman in the 21st century, and I carry more tonnage on one shoulder every single day. Go on. Touch my trapezius muscle.
10-4: Truckers believe that it is bad luck to say the number 40 because this was the number of years the Israelites wandered in the desert.
You might think it’s strange how much time I spend on my own. You might even call it “sad” or “a little concerning.”
I’ve been in the apostles' crew for almost a year now, but Jesus still makes me wear a nametag every time we hang out.
Some people don't seem to understand how being a Beppo baby is such a big advantage in the industry.
Warm and wide-ranging and wise, a wonderful companion. Plenty of substance but free of clumsiness. Neither cloddy nor cobby.
I know I’ve been closed off my entire life, but, I don’t know, there’s something about right now that just makes me want to bare my soul to you.
I said I was sorry, and Sam said it was okay and that he would stop taking my iPod. This is one example of misunderstandings outside of the Torah.
Now that I’ve got maximum hold of the floss, I will dig it into your gums so hard that your teeth feel loose.
Did you see my tweet from this morning saying I take everyone’s concerns seriously, accompanied by a gif from The Office?
Since Pink Eye is usually thought of as a children’s illness, there is a level of grossness that comes with admitting you have it.
And if you find any let me know. Maybe write down anything you do find and make a note of where it was. Try to be thorough though.
Worried I might embark on a border-spanning bloody warpath? You think I have that many air miles saved up?
I’ve delayed trains for hours at a time just to let couples wet each other’s face holes before departure.
THE BOSS: This is your BOSS. It’s in all caps, because he (it’s a man, always a man) wants you to be clear that he is your BOSS.
While threats from Panini Whore and other provocatively-named franchises in the region are growing, the Burger Slut position remains strong.
Everybody knows that Paris and accordion music go together like baguettes and butter, cheese and wine, waiters and rudeness.
The Owner of My Once-Beloved Bodega: He’ll call her Boss in the same velvety tone that once stilled my heart.
For one of the times when I said exhale, I meant inhale. I did not mean to instruct you to do double exhales.
The most important qualities a man can have are leadership, integrity, and enough forearm strength to pull himself over an 8-foot ledge.
It can be hard to believe that he won’t be coming back with another flaccid diss track full of trash punchlines.
For a small fee and a variable surcharge, I will shower your fragile ego with the praise it doesn’t, and will likely never, deserve.
You ever notice how in Los Angeles the dirt is a brownish-red color, but in New York it’s a reddish-brown color?
No glass bottles. No breaking glass bottles. No threatening Duck Race volunteers with broken glass bottles.
It blows my mind that we used to be one country, isn’t that wild? But enough about me. Tell me what have you been up to?
When you read the option “Going down,” what was your reaction? ⚪ Turned on ⚪ Grossed out
Simply follow the prompts, upload a few well-lit, ankle-down images, and let Bank of America’s integrated AI do the rest!
I studied Strasberg with Laura Dern. I, too, was in the original Jurassic Park before Steven Spielberg edited me out.
Throwing out the ceremonial sea lion is actor Brendan Fraser, who starred in "The Whale" and has been known to compete in yacht tipping competitions himself.
Now, front legs clasped, we surge skyward to a world replete with the bounties of over a decade of equality and universal healthcare!
Just where do you fair-weather fans get off not spending your meager savings on tickets to see a multimillionaire’s vanity project?
We take pride in our product. We know that there is no better feeling than tossing a big burlap sack over your shoulder after a big heist.
The job description mentioned “complimentary fruit." Could you please elaborate? As in, what fruit are we talking about?
Bar Harbor, Maine: Honk if you love pine trees! So chic, so luxe, so full of rose-soaked French fries and whoopie pies for the stealing.
Instead of focusing on what the driver hit (a tree), or nearly hit (another tree), remember to notice the things they didn’t hit.
Your Mac is overheating. Your Mac can’t stop looking up the symptoms of rare computer viruses.
I’m staring directly at my feelings until my feelings feel uncomfortable and move away. I’m fighting over the armrest with my feelings.
Historical Building, Mysterious Circumstance Me: A detective with amnesia and a cauterized head wound. You: Want to fill my second bedroom.
Then I guess you'll either frame me or paste me into a scrapbook or something. Either way, I'm just excited to begin the next phase of my journey.
- Everything is interconnected, but how? - Things get real messy, real fast
You're getting very sleepy... when you wake up, A.I. will make your life worth living.
And whose hand is this? Do we know whose hand is attached to this abandoned sandwich?
The Airport: For domestic flights, you should wake up at 4 a.m. and drive directly to the airport, no matter what time of day the flight is.
Any theatre professional who doesn’t win a Tony is dropped by their agent and forced to go renew their real estate license.
The whole town had gathered in the stands, because they were too poor to afford a place in the seats.
I think about how life could have been easier if I’d just stayed the course and resisted certain… urges.
Art is supposed to challenge us, to make us think, to make us laugh, to make us uncomfortable, and to make us say, “I remember that line from the video I just watched.”
Moving along. Shoot, these pages are out of order, gimme one sec... Here it is... Prompts for the "AWARE, BUT UNENTHUSED."
Yeah, low-stakes mingling is fun, but getting to explain the rules of rummy to a captive audience makes me feel alive.
Milk is fucking expensive. Let the cows bring me both my free dairy and the ability to skip the long Sunday checkout lines at the local Target.
Shaniqua is a life coach. When she asks, “What’s your destination?” she doesn’t mean on this trip; she’s talking about your life’s journey.
Her name is Miss S and she would be sucha goood servr cuz she is soo good at teeching me about all kind of stuff.
Don’t end up on a hilarious, reality prank show like "Milk or Sumo!"
This is also a good time to unwrap any candies or cough drops for which you anticipate a need and to pre-chew noisy crackers.
For all you foodies out there, you should know that very few alehouses carry meade, let alone fresh horsemeat.
You manage to get upright. The movement unsettles something inside of you. You groan, but do not recognize the sound.
Look at me! Perfectly shaped for ass! And yet the ass does not want me.
Solar eclipse pathways for the next twenty years, so that you can prepare ahead.
My profile specifically states I'm looking for "the Jim to my Pam," meanwhile you're still "figuring out your relationship type."
It’s still me, the same old Gary, but now I’m backed by a mega-cap corporate behemoth. You can just call me Gary Delivery Brought to You by MegaTech.
No Alex was a few years behind us. I’m Allen. See my nametag? Alex is probably off expanding the limits of the Western world or something, the madman.
The haunted attic-tested formula will have you back to browsing through buttermilk-colored paperbacks in as few as 30 minutes.
My god, are my mornings agonizing! But it’s all worth it. The ice shards in the body wash act as an exfoliant and all day long my skin radiates.
Myth: Balloon animals hate humans for cursing them with life. Fact: Balloon animals only hate the specific human who inflated them.
Your Password Is Insecure: password Your Password Is Confident: Password.Period.
Now, is it sad? Of course. But the problem lies within people being concerned about her... more than they pay attention to you.
Presales numbers are important to publishers, and a high-profile banishment is the 2024 version of an Oprah’s Book Club Sticker.
Haven’t you noticed your friends and family disappearing? It never once crossed your mind to file a missing fish report?
You’ll want to remember this before you charge into your first big gun battle with Dmitri the Razor’s anonymous henchmen and make your pain theirs.
When I heard I would be given the honor of introducing tonight’s penultimate speaker, you could imagine my excitement.
I remember when you nervously called your ‘rents at your first “real party” because someone offered you a sip of Mike’s Hard Lemonade.