Do not schedule the drill during prime hangover hours.
Hi! It’s Me, the Girl Who Bullied You Relentlessly in High School and I’ll Be Your Coronavirus Nurse!
I haven’t thought about you, but I’m sure you’ve thought of me plenty between the scars I left on your psyche and my popular, unprofessional TikToks.
It’s Me, The Retail Worker You Don’t Think Deserves More Than $2/Hour but That You Expect to Be on the Frontlines of the Pandemic Response
Since you believe we’re immune to feelings, it only makes sense that you believe we’re immune to the coronavirus, too.
Margaret Thatcher - Notice you haven’t heard a peep from her since April 8, 2013? Women can also be agents of the patriarchy, too, you know.
He is no longer the youth pastor you spoke with about the morals of masturbation too many times; he is the teacher that made you believe in bullying.
A stolen bomb squad dog to sniff out the aliens. (They probably smell kind of like TNT.) Your grandmama Ellis’ necklace, so you can be buried with it.
Accidentally kill yourself on a snorkeling adventure you’re not trained for to see the coral reefs before they, too, go to be with the lord.
Finally, you can be the cafeteria worker whose job it is to take lunches away from elementary schoolers who forget to bring their lunch money.
Having sex with my wife. She was planning to vote for Kamala Harris and not Beto prior to their sexual encounter.